WEEK 30: Sometimes We Chase People

STARKE, FL
COMPANION:  ELDER COLLETT

Life is pretty great sometimes. For example, I am enjoying a gorgeous day I'm Florida. I sit here, in my over-stuffed recliner, munching on my banana, and life just seems to come naturally. It's a pretty good time.

Sometimes though, life doesn't drop into your lap. There were days like that this week. Sometimes we packed ourselves full of snicker doodles and had whole days of scheduled appointments with investigators. And other days we did not. 

The "not" days were my favorite. One "not" day we woke up in the morning with 10 investigators with baptismal dates and went to sleep that night with 3. One "not" day we were out street-contacting over an hour walk from our house and it started pouring rain so hard we could not see straight. It was a long walk home and several days before I felt truly dry again.

The fun days are fun. I had blueberry waffles prepared by a master chef and almost died of happiness. We split cedar logs and were given quite a bit of the wood to keep in the corners of our house and now all of my clothes smell like cedar. We had a ridiculous amount of success. We saw our brothers and sisters grow closer to Father. We laughed until our faces hurt about jokes I can't even remember.

But the "not" days are better. We committed over a dozen people to come to church. Solid people. Even had rides arranged for them. Contacted them Saturday night and it was all solid. Well not one of them came. And I was not pleased. But someone else came. A man we had never met walked in with a less-active member and we have an appointment with all of them on Tuesday. I guess that's not a good example of a "not" days. I'm sorry. I can't help it if they're all good ones.

We had occasion to answer the question "To what do you attribute this level of success?" We answered that it's about talking to everyone, and teaching everyone you talk to. But it's more than that really. It's about ignoring the word "no". It's about smiling even when you're insulted and inviting even when you're a little bit afraid of the situation you're in. And sometimes, it's about chasing people.

One day we taught a man a lesson in the middle of the street. I think he expected us to go away but we just kept talking, and before he realized what was happening he was reading in the Book of Mormon with us and praying about Joseph Smith. He is an outside sort of older fellow with none of his teeth. From then on, whenever we saw him, no matter what, we leapt from our vehicle and talked to/taught him. Occasionally he would try to turn down back alleys, but we always caught him, and gradually he came to be engaged as we worked our way through the discussions, mostly as he walked very purposefully around town. He expressed his love for us and even committed to be baptized at the end of the month!

I debated telling this story. There's no miracle at the end. Finally he dropped us and we don't see him around much anymore. But there is a moral! Sometimes you just have to chase people. Or things. Sometimes they walk into church and ask to be taught, but sometimes you power-walk across Starke testifying about the Resurrection, Judgement, and Immortality to a man you know nothing about as he pursues some nameless errand with an air of serious urgency. We do all we can do, we love as deeply as we can love, we testify as loudly and as often as is possible, we dream as fervently as we can and sometimes, if we're lucky, we get to chase those dreams.

Sometimes we chase people.

-Elder Jorgensen

********

Letters Home

Excerpts to Mom:

Hehehe my accent is terrible. No southern drawl just a lot of y'all. I'm working on it though! The only thing I learned to cook was oats. Oats are tasty. I will try to learn lots of things and be a master chef. Mmmmm Daddy's Japanese food is to die for. If you but a deep-fryer I can show you how to cook all SORTS of things! Hehehee. Oooooh we had these unbelievable waffles the other day. Not even sure how many I ate. Probably the most standard favorite though is the biscuits, which are served with every meal. The ward will feed us once or twice a week. Ish.

That is fantastic news!!!! A baptism!!!!! Wow good for _______. That is a hard, hard road. Pass on my love and encouragement will you? I love the idea of having found/prepared Dr. Jensen for him. That makes me feel really good. The mission has revealed so many weaknesses I don't know how to keep up! Every time I get enough emotional duct tape gathered to hold one together 7 more pop up! Thank goodness for progress!! I had no idea how much fixing I need. Let everyone know I will be loving to the very respectable age of 10,012 to have time to work through it all. Sigh. Maybe Christ will take care of it sooner. He IS pretty great...

Poor Cassidy. I really do not like that rejection feeling. But it is wonderful that Katie had so much fun!!! Hehehee ohhh Missoula. It would be fun to do plays with the girls. I bet YOUR play is the talk of the town! It sounds incredible!! I will clap for you from here. Whoa!!!!! Cameron going to general conference? That is HUGE!!!! Goodness gracious that made my whole day! What a fantastic experience. Can I come??

Hehehe scripture chase sounds fun. I love you too. I'd write more but my companion wants very much to play basketball.

A noble father followed through

He gave his life and yet he knew

His daughters, mothers to nations would be

Across the fickle, raging sea

Love you.

**

There are sister missionaries in our ward. I spoke in church on Sunday about what effect my mission has had upon me and my family. After sacrament meeting one of the sister's investigators asked me to perform her baptism. It's the first weekend in April. I'm so grateful. I'm so nervous. I'm giddy.

***

I forgot that you are in nursery!! Lucky. 

Riddles:

1. that's faithful hid for 2, the one that heard he never knew.

2.  Sticklers for what they called heaven

Jesus taught beware their leaven!

3.  A temple dark and without paint

A hole made man into a saint

No name its hunch-backed captives freed

In thirty nine it saw God's word indeed.

Whoops. None of those are for first Nephi. Sorry. Love you!

*******
Excerpts to Grandad:

"Quandry" is an excellent word. Last week my word of choice was "verbose". This week I think it will be "pith".

I love to hear about anything, honestly. It will probably make sense if I tell you why. As you know, I have aggressively passionate feelings about reading. Well we're only allowed to read the scriptures and emails here, and we only get an hour a day for the scriptures. I'm a little reading deprived. Whatever you write, I enjoy. I love being in someone else's mind and seeing the world through their eyes. Whether you write about family or routine or the gospel or anything else, I get to experience those things (which of itself, brings the spice of variety to my week) and experience them from your perspective! It's fun no matter what it is.

I'm not sure that made any sense. Hopefully it did.

Wow it sounds like everyone is having fun adventures!! I love how closely knit our family is. I had no idea that it was such a rare thing in the world until I began serving as a missionary. I have you and Grandma to thank for that blessing in my life. It is a paradigm that will shape the earthly and post-earthly life of me, and of my entire posterity.

The weeks are definitely trending upwards. I cannot wait to see what this one brings.

WEEK 29: How To Do Whatever the Heck You Want

STARKE, FL
COMPANION:  ELDER COLLETT

This week I did whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted to do it.

It was probably the best week of my life.

I heard once that license is not liberty. As we teach people the commandments, it has been a challenge to teach them in such a way so as not to present these truths and supports as restrictions and rules. They are not restrictions with punishments attached. They are instructions with blessings promised. Looking at the Church as a restriction comes from the false notion that there is happiness to be found outside of the bounds it sets.

There is not.

Ominous.

The world beyond the gospel of Jesus Christ offers no happiness. No smile. No satisfaction. No light. There is nothing but pain, starvation, desperation, sadness, darkness, and chill outside of the sacred bounds of God.

This sounds harsh, but it is true! EVERYTHING good, happy, or hopeful in this world comes from Father and Jesus Christ. Without them, there is NOTHING. Often we imagine the gospel as adding to all this beauty and fruit that exists in the world of babylon. We think, "Well I will just enjoy life on it's own merits for a while and then begin to live the gospel." This is stupid! There is no merit! There is nothing without Christ! We are born in agony and filth, we immediately begin to suffer and decay, we endure an agonizing struggle simply to acquire the nourishment necessary to exist until we are overcome by rot and cease to be.

But in the gospel of Jesus Christ, we are born pure. We immediately begin to grow and experience and come closer to Him. Every moment of effort adds to our growth, and our eternal endowment grows as intelligence, relationships, and family are added to our lives. Even pain is redemptive, and joy is the sweeter for being mere preparation. Finally, we are adequately prepared to return to our homes, and our adventure truly begins.

What a CONTRAST. The only things worth wanting are the good things. Someone once said (I apologize for the inexact nature of these references. The authors deserve more attention than the constraints of time permit me to give) "The purpose of life is to find your purpose in life and then to do it!" The greatest blessing that I anticipated receiving as a missionary, which has proved to be infinitely greater than I imagined and yet not nearly so wondrous as others I have received in these short weeks, was that every moment of every day, I would know my purpose.

Armed with the knowledge that "Our purpose is to invite others to come unto Christ by helping them receive the restored gospel through faith in Jesus Christ and his Atonement, repentance, baptism for the remission of sins, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost, and enduring to the end", and empowered with the assurance of where happiness is to be found sealed by the understanding of the exact nature of the relationships of the commandments with freedom, I was prepared for something glorious.

I got to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted to do it. I was 100% free. No ancient despot or mythical sorcerer, no fish's fin or eagle's wing rivaled the degree and the intensity of the freedom that I enjoy. Never have there been so many rules to follow! Never has my schedule been so precise! Never have I been in any state which begins to profess to approach that level of absolute liberty with which my life is SOPPING, SOAKING wet. I freaking sweat freedom.

And it's pretty nice. Let's see what I did with it.

We chased someone across town. We were on the wrong side of the street and she just kept walking and we had to dodge traffic and couldn't keep up. Finally we lost her. We looked around where we were, saw someone to talk to, and ended up making that person a new investigator.

We saw two men in their front yard. We crossed five lanes of traffic (no stoplight and busy roads, so we literally dodged cars) and followed them around to the back of their house. They were watching NASCAR. We sat down and taught lessons at commercial breaks. One woman refused to read the book of mormon. When she said that we kind of wanted to invite her to church. She's excited to come on sunday and we have a phone number to call and remind her.

One day we wanted to go walking in the POURING rain. There was so much rain, the noise from it made even intimate conversations a shouting match. The man we met sitting in the middle of the storm is now a progressing investigator. We wanted to walk down a completely empty street where we have never met anyone. The woman who walked out of her door AS we passed her house had trouble committing to read the book of mormon because she believed so deeply it was true (after one lesson with us right there in her front yard) that she didn't see any need to pray about it. We'll be talking about what she learned from reading Alma 7 tomorrow morning.

Another morning we were pretty exhausted and felt like enjoying some sunshine. We went and met the neighbors. We are now teaching two families on our street. We knocked on one door that looked fun and the man just said, "come in!" He was fixing the pilot light to his furnace and apparently thought we were someone else. He forcefully informed us that he was baptist and did NOT want to become a mormon. We didn't want to leave. We kind of felt like hanging around. So we walked through the doorway and said, "Well, can we share a message about Jesus Christ while you work?" He shrugged, invited us to sit down, and by the end of the first lesson asked for a Book of Mormon before we could offer it and committed to be at church.

One time we wanted to walk on the railroad tracks. We like the smell of wood and iron. We found a family to teach right on the spot and an inactive woman whose non-member fiancee has just asked her to pick a church for him to join. One time we liked the look of an older house and a beautiful cobblestone road. The family walking by referred us to a man anxious to learn more. One day we felt particularly ridiculous and pulled out our iPads and just started playing movies from the Mormon Messages collection for anyone who walked by. Vernon is excited to see more movies at our appointment with him tomorrow.

We do whatever we want, whenever we want to. We speak or remain silent, walk or drive, study or preach, eat and drink with absolute freedom. We can do this because we love our God. We can do this because we truly only have one desire: to make Him happy. To see Him pleased. To somehow, some way, even with the puny resources allotted to these mortal frames, perform some action that puts a smile on the exalted face of the Creator of the cosmos. What glorious activity! What fun.

And we do have fun. We get ourselves into some pretty ridiculous situations sometimes, and have some pretty different conversations. One man said, "I LOVE you guys!" and "The Book of Mormon is CRAP!" in the same sentence. One afternoon we sorted through hundreds of heads of rotting cabbage. One woman asked if she could kiss our feet. One man curled into a ball beneath his truck and remained completely silent and motionless until we left. One woman demanded food, got a folder full of important-looking documents, and lit them on fire. One man pulled over, accosted us on the road, and asked us to come to his home and minister to his dying father, which we absolutely did. One family had 26 dogs.

We do what we want.

I wanted to be good, and so there were no rules stopping me. I did good, and so there were no blessing denied me. My freedom and my happiness know no bounds for their is no limit to the goodness that can be accomplished and received through my sacred Savior Jesus Christ. It was a pretty wonderful week. I want so badly for the experience to be repeated forever. I want it to widen and be shared. So many of you are teaching me every day how to do what I want. For those of you who don't: Try it! Come and see! Do whatever you want whenever you want to and be happier every moment for it. All it takes is loving God with all your heart.

You want to know a secret? I'm terrible at it. I'm a pretty terrible missionary. I'm just wandering around out here. Most of the time the only thing I love with all my heart is the thought of a nap and a slice of cake. I don't know what the heck I'm even saying half the time! Halfway through a sentence I'll be thinking, "Wow, that was different. I wonder where I'm going with this. Who is this person again? I should probably find out." and the next words out of my mouth are, "We are holding a baptismal service on March 23rd. Will you prepare yourself to be baptized by someone who holds the proper priesthood authority of God on that date?"

But I do love Him as best I can. I guess that is enough.

I'm just a lost child having fun out here. I don't mean to sound preachy or pretentious. Life is just a playground and I'm going backwards up the slide. Sometimes the other kids laugh. ALWAYS I laugh. But even though the names of the people and the streets and what exactly I'm doing or saying is REALLY a little fuzzy sometimes, I'm doing it because I love Father. That's the only reason I can think of. And I guess it's working. And I'm having the time of my life.

I love you.

~Elder Jorgensen

********

Letters Home

Excerpts to Mom:

Hi Mama!

Theoretically yes! Yes I can! However, we do not have wi-fi at our house and Elder Collett likes to DO things on Pday. Last week we hunted squirrels (we are way out in hickville town population nobody here) and played basketball, right now we are on our way to do something with somebody (I'm just along for the ride here...). I check mail about 10 AM (7 your time) and may or may not have the opportunity to check it again. This week I got lucky. So please do not procrastinate the writing of letters! I thought the mudslides washed you all away this week!!

I will wave to Daddy. Helloooooooooo Daddy!

Every week I buy between 5 and 10 pounds of bananas and eat them immediately. Mondays are wonderful.

I swear Courtney and I are twins. We will be homeboy homebodys.

Sigh. I might have to wait until next week to read your letter! But I love you anyway. I guess.

Hehee.

Elder Collett says this was the best week of his mission. It's possible it was the best of mine. He and I are very good friends. We are constantly joking and laughing and enjoying what we're doing.……..

It's nice. We have fun. There were 72 people in church on Sunday so it's a pretty small ward. We're going to build it up.

It feels nice, to be doing something good. I have so many thoughts. Every day there is so MUCH that trying to put down all the trials, tribulations, paradigm shifts, successes, miracles, and transformations is impossible. Hopefully I don't need to. Hopefully it will show.

***

How's the rain? How's life? Mine is pretty great. And natural. And easy. And WORK. I like fruit so much! Yum. That's all. Questions? Let me know.

P.S. You are great. Just great. I had no idea how great. What a wonderful family and spirit and mother and home. What a fantastic education and upbringing. What a beautiful world you and Dad created and create for me. I am so absurdly, ridiculously blessed.

Just for the record, I am willing for ANY adventures. Skydiving? Backpacking? Beach camping? Europe touring? Bicycling? Crazy recipes? Ridiculous book clubs? Adventure can come anywhere and I like it all. I like the memories they create and the pure fun. I also like naps. And just not ever doing anything ever! Hehehe today I just sat down in the sunshine and held perfectly still for an hour. My companion thought it was a little nuts. I loved it. And music. Goodness I love music. Elder Collett has a lot of fabulous music. What else do I like? Everything. List the good, and you'll never find time for the bad. I'm coming up on the end of my first journal. I will probably be mailing it sometime this month. I write every day. I'm exhausted and cannot speak for the quality of the contents, but I write every day... I just love you family.

Other Excerpts:

Missionaries are so annoying. I sincerely apologize. We are clueless,
we are obsessed with ourselves, and we feel we are entitled to the
fascination of everyone we have ever met. I am guilty. I apologize. I
don't mean to come across as self-obsessed or preachy or
self-righteous or self-anything in these letters. I know that I do
anyway. Sigh.

Well it was a fun week. Is it weird that I think of myself as in a
romantic relationship with Jesus? It helps me for some reason. But I
mean I kind of am! We love each other, the relationship is extremely
exclusive, and it makes love songs make sense. There's this one song
called "I'd give it all for you" from the musical "Songs for a New
World" that especially makes me think of Him. Anyway, enough
weirdness.

My favorite thing to do on Pday is shop. I love to shop. Oh wow I just
had a huge manic event thinking about shopping. Hang on I need a
breath. It's a beautiful day in Florida. Perfect temperature, a breath
of wind, sunshine... Okay I'm back. I love to shop. We get about
$30-35 a week to take care of all our physical needs. Toiletries,
detergent, food, drinks, cleaning stuff, clothes, etc. I spend most of
it on fruit that I immediately eat (today I ate most of it on the way
home from Wal Mart). But I like the endless possibilities and
stimulation of the thousands of different combinations or ingredients
or things we could buy. I bought pickled eggs and nutmeg and snuck a
passing glance at the video games section (I know, I am such a
sinner). I also like to sit in the quiet and play a little word game
with scrabble tiles I have called Take 2. I don't get the chance to do
that often though. And of course I like emails. We are allowed to
shop, email, clean, and engage in safe and appropriate recreational
activities. So basically basketball, tennis, and whatever randomness
we can think of in the hour or two we have to do them. It's kind of
like when a group of friends gets together and goes, "Well, let's do
SOMETHING!"

Side note for mama, do you know there are brand new versions of red
alert that you can buy and play on the xBox??? So cool. It was like my
childhood washed over me when I found that out. We will play one day.

The milk challenge (1 gallon of milk in a day) is a breeze. I drank
half a gallon in 20 minutes the other day without batting an eye.
Well, it was soy milk. Maybe that made a difference. Hehehe I have the
most terrible farmers tan. I guess it's a missionary tan. I have some
obsessive self-destructive tendencies. Because of the structure of
missionary life, the only way it can really manifest itself is in
gluttony. I'm not supposed to eat sugars, dairy, meats (except poultry
or fish) or gluten because they make me pretty sick. But I do. But I'm
working on it! My fast this month was for a resolution to my
self-loathing and the self-destructive behaviors, particularly
gluttony, which it feeds. Fasting always does the trick. Maybe because
it's such a big sacrifice to give up food, which I so desperately
love. Perhaps I will be a chef. I could legitimately see that
happening. We have LOTS of Jams. Well, we did. I ate them. I mixed
them with dry oats and a little milk and some cinnamon. You ever had
homemade jams made with homegrown fruit with oats and spices and just
a hint of milk? Wow. I ate four days worth of food in like two hours.
Amazing. Big fan of sweeteners. You should see the amount of honey I
dump on stuff. And nutmeg! I bought nutmeg today. I am so excited. My
whole week is going to taste like Christmas.

I DID have some misadventures in food this week, now that you mention
it. Some very expired deli meats and cheese took me out for a morning.
Some rotten cabbage had me under the wether for an afternoon. And the
free expired turkey salami that was donated to us by a food donation
place in town just about killed me. But the pickled eggs from Wal Mart
weren't that bad! Probably wouldn't buy them again. I really want one
of those Zero candy bars but I know I'd be sick all week. If you see
one eat it and tell me how it tastes. I get my protein and iron from
beans. Soooooooooooooooo many beans. That's enough about food.
Obviously I'm a little hungry right now. Really it's my soul that's
hungry. See if you can find the part in the Book of Mormon where it
says "my soul hungered".

So! Squirrel hunting. We used slingshots. Well, the other elders used
slingshots. I fantasizes about being a gladiator and riding my
golf-cart chariot around like a BOSS. Um, Sherlock is my favorite show
of all time. I sincerely do not even know how many times I watched the
first two seasons. The third season has come out since I left, yes? My
hands are literally shaking with anticipation. I like to go on walks.
One of my dream days is to get a laptop and a pile of movies and just
walk. Walk to wherever. Then stop and watch as much of whatever you
want as you want. Then, whenever the fancy takes you, pack it up and
walk some more. In my brain, I refer to it as the mobile movie
marathon. I'm thinking about having it copyrighted.

Emma Watson is fantastic but I did not see Perks of Being a
Wallflower. What are the perks? Is one of them you get to hang out
with Emma Watson? That would be a pretty good perk. I know how it is
to have no time. Busy busy BUSY! Try one page of Book of Mormon
reading a day. It will take a long time to read it and that's okay. It
isn't a novel, it's a feast. It's okay to consume it slowly, to savor
every bite. It took a thousand years for the most brilliant members of
the most advanced civilization on the planet to write it, it's okay if
it takes you a year or two to absorb it. Don't judge yourself and say
oh I should read more! I'm not going to only read a page I need to get
it all done! I'm better than this! And then you find yourself two
months down the road not having read anything. Just a page a day.
That's my unsolicited advice. I only give it because I spent half my
life wishing someone had given it to me. I didn't know I could go a
bit at a time. I didn't know I could just do as much as I could and
that was good enough for the only one who mattered. But you're a lot
wiser than I ever was, so you probably didn't need any of that. And
again, sorry for the food metaphors. I seriously need a meal.

This area has been fabulous to me. I am enjoying it immensely. I am so
happy. You are fantastic. Thanks for writing to me. I repeat the
apology with which I began.

What's the best part of your life? Who are your friends?  What is the
most significant growth you have experienced in the last year? What
were your New Years resolutions? What is your favorite spice? What is
something that brings you enormous peace and closer to God completely
unexpectedly? For me it's games. Board games, computer games, anything
that fully engages my mind but is absolutely silent and allows my body
to be absolutely still. Do you know any riddles? I would love a riddle
or two to puzzle over. I have a lot of free mind time. What's your
favorite book? Now what is your ACTUALLY favorite book? The one you
secretly love and would read a million times but don't admit is your
favorite because you feel it is not classy enough. Maybe you don't do
that. Maybe pride is not so laughably, obviously systemic in you as it
is in me.

Oh also, you are great. Are you playing sports? Have there been any
particularly comical disasters in your life recently? I like those.
I'm craving some Mario Kart. And a snack.

This is the week. The best one you've ever had, and the worst one of
the rest of your life.

Exciting.

So yeah I tailored it a bit but I was thinking of you, family, the
whole time I wrote it so it was pretty much copy and paste. I
particularly want some riddles. I love you. Thanks for being patient
with my odd writing system. Thanks for being my family.

*******

More Excerpts to Mom:

What a fantastic letter!! The temptation to respond would be excruciating throughout the week so I am going to do my best to do it right now during dinner before Pday ends. The letters are reminiscent of our talks for me as well!! I love them. I am so glad you enjoyed his week's addition! Thank you so much for your kind words. There were a billion stories this week. So,sties elder Collett and I will stay up for an hour at night just laying there recalling ridiculous stories from the day and laughing uproariously.

Any happiness we obtain in the world comes from our following, perhaps unwittingly, the doctrine of Christ. The doctrine of Christ is there hidden in the folds of a devoutly Muslim wedding, or an atheist's birthday party, or a band concert or a child's summer afternoon. Somehow faith or Hope or charity, a Christlike attribute or obedience to an unenunciated and yet instinctively understood commandment are present in EVERYTHING that brings a smile or a laugh or a peace. He is the good, and there is no other source. He is not a topping we add to our happiness we find elsewhere, as I had thought unknowingly before. He is the source, and the purpose. The beginning and the end. A clearer understanding of this principle has brought ,e such focus and peace. And I hope yet clearer understanding awaits me tomorrow and today.

Uh oh I hope I didn't make it sound like I'm thinking only people who believe in Christ or the church are anything but filthy!! No no no! Only that that's what life would be like, hypothetically. But it isn't! Not for anyone! It's beautiful and incredible every moment. Rarely do I see and experience it that way, but that's because my eyes and my senses are not yet pure. If they were, if I could see the world as it truly is, the glory would blind me! Hehehe, irony.

Anyway, to sum up, all I meant was Jesus is great and He is what makes everyone happy, whether they know it or not. And it's that spark of His within them that makes them invaluable, whether they feel that way or not. The end.

I bore mine too!! I wish I could have heard yours. I love your testimony. I am so lucky to have a mother who bears it. Whoa, I have never thought about Eve that way!!! That blew my mind!!!!! I need to see this play! I am glad you are all safe from the rain. I am thankful for your kind words. I struggle to think of my life as anything but a train wreck. Hearing you describe it as moving towards some beautiful thing is deeply comforting. It's beautiful. Thank you.

I am sincerely jealous of your dried apples. We eat like KINGS in our home I had no idea!! Well I love beans and rice now. Love them three meals a day sometimes. I'm chunking up here in Starke! Gotta fix that. It sounds like Daddy was the knight in shining armor he ALWAYS is. What a fantastic man. Wow. What a man.

Family is special. Family is different. I heard the new new temple movies are amazing and I am so JEALOUS! Even more jealous than of dried fruit!!!! I get to go to the temple at my year mark. That is a very, very long way away...

Oat groats sound amazing. I feel your pain, beans take more than three hours to prepare. I have to really plan it out. WOW I had no idea Stacy's recovery was so complete!!!!!! WOW! That is fantastic!!!!! Goodness it takes my breath away. Goodness I love that woman. And that family. I am so glad you are keeping close.

Oh that piano. I miss it. I even miss the endlessly repeated songs. After being home for two days I will cease missing it, but for now I do. Maybe I will buy really nice earplugs on the flight back and go on missing it forever. Hehehehe I brag about the little musical prodigies to the members sometimes. They say my face lights up when I talk about them. Missoula and voice lessons and submitting videos!!!! So many fun things! Thank you for helping me be a part of them. Thank you so much.

Have fun reading. Have fun in the warmth. It is getting pretty hot here which is good because I have been freezing cold for three months!! But it's baking now and I'm sure I will long for the chills soon enough. Starke is one giant speed trap but I do not drive so I am safe. But yes, never drive here. A package??? Cassidy sent me a cars that said I was her hero. I keep it close and tear up ever time I read it. My heart is all a flutter even thinking of it.

A package. Hmmmm. There's really nothing I need. If you want to send me things, I will love and cherish them just because they are from the people I love and cherish most! You could send me rocks and I would snuggle them with a smile.

I'm going to work now. We're going to work very, very hard. I'm a bit nervous. But it's a delicious nervous. I'm a bit homesick. But it's a sweet feeling. Keep a spot in your hearts and prayers for me. I just love you so much. I'm going to make our brothers and sisters homes as wondrous and beautiful as ours. I'm going to work for Father, but I'll be back soon, much too soon, and I'll let you know how it's going.

For a while I'm far away. I've never felt so near. And love for you today, will drive out any fear.

Thank you,

-Elder Jorgensen

WEEK 28: A Starke Contrast

STARKE, FL
COMPANION:  ELDER COLLETT

So I live in a house now. It is not an apartment. It is a house. We do not live with a member and we do not share it with other missionaries. It has a family room with an enormous fireplace, lots of closets, three bedrooms, 1 and 1/2 bathrooms, a kitchen with dining area attached, a laundry room, and a garage. We live in a charming neighborhood, have a front and back yard, and all the appliances (including our own washer and dryer, oven, refrigerator, stove, beds, recliners, etc.). We also have a full-time car, drove off the lot last month. It is a 2014 Ford Fusion and has 1800 miles on it as of this morning. It makes driving the 0.5 miles to the church building pretty nice. Our companionship has a cell-phone, we each have our personal iPads and we use Facebook to proselyte as well. It is a 21st century missionary life, and I am a little in awe of the RIDICULOUS amount of blessings. I'll probably never be this rich again!

My address is 701 Glendale St. Starke, FL, 32091, if you care to send a letter to my palatial abode.

Starke is a TINY little town filled to BURSTING with southern hospitality. People give us a lot of jams. I have a bit of a sweet tooth. The other day I caught myself eating the jam straight from the jar. Sigh. Anyway, it is wonderful, and there is a train that runs right through the middle of town! It is very loud but makes me feel like I am living in the Old West.

My new companion is named Elder Collett and is from Hemet California!!! He is easily the most relaxed person I have ever met. Even talking to him makes my blood pressure slow down. We are excited to work hard here in Starke, Lawtey, and whatever that other city we are in charge of is called (geographically, our area is huge...)

So MIRACLES! I have a tendency to occasionally be inconvenienced by various weaknesses. One day this week, my body decided it had had quite enough of my jam-guzzling ways, and my left leg went on strike. That must be where my french blood is. Anyway, it was a pretty uncomfortable experience. I was not a fan. By the time studies were over (which I completed lying on the floor), it was pretty clear that the 5 hours of walking/contacting/finding/service that we had planned was not possible. But we had made plans, we had faith, and there was work to do. So we said a prayer, I got up, and we started working.

10 hours, two service projects, three new investigators, 2 full lessons taught, half a dozen potential investigators found, three referrals received and contacted, and one woman who would a couple days later accept a baptism date met, I collapsed back on the floor where I had spent the morning studying.

We see a lot of miracles in our lives and sometimes it's hard to point and say, "Yes, that, that right there, THAT was a miracle. God did that. It would not have happened otherwise." It was not hard this week. I could not walk. It took me over an hour to take a shower and brush my teeth. And yet the work was not inhibited. It went forth boldly, nobly, and independent of my petty weakness. So believe in miracles. I see them. They happen.

You know, miracles are pretty great. Success is pretty great. I am working on being satisfied. It seems like I can never be still for more than a second without asking, "What's next?" In pondering this trait of mine, be it weakness or potential or vice, I had a phrase begin to repeat itself in my mind. The phrase is this:

This can be the worst day of the rest of your life.

How WONDERFUL is that?? Today can be the low point of the remainder of your eternal existence! Every single moment after this one can be an improvement. Everything can always be better. How happy are you now? Tomorrow can be happier. How satisfied are you today? Tomorrow can be sweeter. There is no reason whatsoever that anything ever has to get worse. Today can be the worst day of the rest of your life. Jesus Christ is at your side. Heavenly Father reigns supreme. With them, all things are good things. With them, there is nowhere but up to go.

I cannot believe I have been here a week already. I cannot believe how many blessings I have received. The work is good and seems an awful lot like play. My companion is a blessing and support. And my God hears my prayers. He loves me. He asks me to begin or to cease, and then he waits for me to follow, and I may progress as quickly or as slowly as I choose to heed His call. I hope it is quickly. I hope to grow. I love being a missionary. I try His work to do.

~Elder Jorgensen

Letters Home

Excerpts To Kent:

Hehehe yes Starke is a little bit different than I am used to but I am certain I will come to feel very much at home here. I am sorry people have been sick! It sounds like it hasn't slowed down the construction project though. What a fantastic creation, turning that space into an adventure, a castle, a hideaway, a study room, a whatever you want it to be! I have talked to cassidy a few times actually! She is a lot of fun to talk to.

It's been hard for me recently to not be worried about the numbers and the results. I was sort of told I was being sent here to produce, and I feel frustrated when we do not. I will keep the thought of Abinadi in my mind and share with my companion the message of, "You never know".

Being an iPad missionary basically means we use our iPads as we work. We have mormon messages and the life of christ videos downloaded on there, along with scriptures, general conferences (I am reading through all of them starting in April 1971) and we have an "Area Book" application that has replaced all of our paper planners and record keeping. It is an amazing tool! We also use it to proselyte using facebook for an hour every day. I have a few pages that I maintain and am trying to learn how to use all of the little tools on there more effectively.

I have more than enough of everything, thank you so much for asking. There was a bit of a miscommunication about shopping in the hectic schedule of transfers so I have been eating a lot of rice and beans the last couple weeks but I am about to go shopping and buy a ton of fruit! Yum. Wow THAT is a competitive game! I cannot wait to get whooped by both of you! I love you. There are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many fun times ahead! I'm excited for them, and excited to hear about your adventures every week. They make my life  that much easier and sweeter.

***************
Excerpts To Mom:

Hi there.

YES! Hehehe you MISS ME! Good. I like to be missed. Being missed is fun. It makes me feel important. You read the Illiad! It is GORY. Sorry about that. But YES! The Illiad is widely considered to be one of the most powerful and incredible pieces of ancient literature of all time. And yet it is put to SHAME beside the Book of Mormon. The feeling you are left with is night and day difference. The power and wisdom contained in the pages is of breathtaking contrast. I love secular literature for its own contribution to my soul, but I love it more because it sharpens and heightens my appreciation and hunger for the Truth, and it's confirmation that the Book of Mormon is the very word of God.

Elder Hurd was my companion in the MTC. He was in some of the pictures I emailed home while I was there. He is the very skinny blonde one. Elder Tuft was my companion in Gainesville. He has short brown hair and a perpetual 5 'o clock shadow. I think there are pictures on my facebook page. I mentioned this last week, but I have a facebook and we can be friends but you cannot use it to communicate with me. So no commenting, messaging, liking, etc. or I will be all sorts of busted. But there are pictures and posts and whatnot on there and you can check them out! My new companion is the oldest of 10 kids, is a white/yellow, more relaxed and chill than anyone I have ever met, doesn't watch PG-13 movies, enjoys music, is introverted but willing to talk to people, and is just a nice guy! The transition has been MUCH easier than I anticipated. I have been in some pretty intense pain but that has just given the opportunity for miracles!

Much of my distress has come from my inability to keep the diet. I am trying! You are an inspiration and I will try harder. I read something in a general conference talk that helped. "He who seeks the Lord has already found Him." We get what we look for. The joy is in the journey. As you struggle with Pride in a search for humility, you would not believe it if you were told that you are already living humbly. But your striving to be proves that it is so! How wonderful. How hopeful.

I just finished Jacob. The second to last first is very sad. I'm not sure how I feel about that. But I can agree that everything is slipping by like a dream. I work hard. I want to work harder. I try and strive to do more. I am changing back into the person I believe I was meant to be. I am growing by sloughing off all that I have carried around with me for so long.

I love you. I hope your trip was fantabulous.

****

You're pretty great. I say my mom this or my mom that or the way my mom does it or my mama once said like a billion times a day. I enjoy it. Other people might get tired of it, but I enjoy it. I just have a pretty cool family! I have a pretty cool life. I am living it up here in Starke, in case that was not adequately communicated in my other letters. These last five days since transfers have probably been the easiest in the last 8 months! So whatever it is you are saying in your prayers, keep saying it! It is working.

I get pretty sad sometimes when I think about all the terrible people I have been or things I have said or thought or done or felt. I like to hope that it is because there is so much light and growth in my life that I am gaining an appreciation for exactly what I really was living before. It makes me happy to grow and have light! But it makes me so sad to contemplate the enormous waste and destruction. Sometimes I feel I don't deserve to be doing what I'm doing and have what I have. Actually it's a daily thought. But I pray and I feel better. I remember that I am better. I remember that I worked hard to get here, and how prideful and silly and faithless and wrong it is to reject the Savior's sacrifice by wishing or inflicting punishment upon myself. it's a weird feeling. I've felt a lot of guilt when I've done things wrong, but that's not what I feel because I don't do anything wrong! I just feel embarrassed, and ashamed, and sad. But I try to pray and feel better. You are having a similar struggle it sounds like, which is why I share this one. My companion is ready to go, so I will just say I love you, ask you to pray for me, ask you to share what works as you go. I say a prayer and write down my feelings and thoughts so I can read them the next time the struggle pops up. I have a pretty big stack of positive spiritual impressions by now that I am alright! That things are going to be alright. That it's enough to just live today, without the weight of tomorrows and yesterdays. "A single day--It's all any of us have--so let's live it and LIVE IT WELL!!!!!!"

One more happy thought. I was walking down the street yesterday and realized I could do anything I wanted. ANYTHING I wanted AT ALL. I was so truly free it startled me. It was like flying! Because all I wanted was to be a missionary. All I wanted was to do the Lord's will and serve His children. Every one of my desires was righteous and so I could do ANYTHING I wanted, and I knew that 1) It was good and 2) The Lord would make it possible. In the whole universe, there was not a modicum of matter freer than I was in that instant. My heart was so light. My spirit was so still. The smile was so genuine. My eyes were so bright. I was free. I AM free. With faith I hope that I will always love to be.

I love you, Mother Dearest. I am craving avocado with homegrown tomato slice with salt and pepper on toasted rice bread like NOBODY'S business. WOW. Eat some for me. Did you get all my letters last week? There were lots. Remember that I have dreams. Remember! I remember. I am so happy to have dreams. I love that you and Dad and Cassidy and Kathryn and Courtney are one dream that I have every night, and awake every morning to find has come true.

WEEK 27: The Black Name Tag of Courage

STARKE, FLORIDA
COMPANION:  ELDER COLLETT

Hello! I have been transferred. I am now in Stark, Lake City. It is a little bit north of where I was before; still in North-Eastern Florida, but much more out in the country. A new transfer means new goals and new plans! Here are mine:

1) Memorize a scripture a day.
2) Sing a hymn with every meal.
3) Offer an hourly prayer.
4) Keep a gratitude journal in my pocket and add to it throughout the day whenever the fancy find me.
5) Bring a tangible token to the Lord every night as an offering for your day. It can be a journal entry, or a gratitude list, or a penny you found heads-up while you did His work, or a picture of one of His children that you helped to smile that day, or the calluses on your knuckles from another thousand doors knocked. It needn't be gold or myrrh, but offer a gift to the Christ-child anew.
6) Smile every time you notice you are not.
7) Remember each person within your stewardship (investigators and potential investigators for me, perhaps family or co-workers or cub scouts for you) by face and name each day.
8) Spend at least one moment pretending you are the person you wish to be. Notice how it feels. Notice what the world is like. Relish it. Love it.

Some fun goals. Change and new beginnings can be stressful sometimes. I bet birth was pretty stressful. But they needn't be. It's all just part of one thing; our eternal life.

"Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting;
The soul that rises with us, our life's star,
Hath had elsewhere its setting.
And cometh from afar;
Not in entire forgetfulness,

And not in utter nakedness,

But trailing clouds of glory do we come

From God, who is our home."

-William Wordsworth "Intimations of Immortality"

I'm feeling like this is all a little preachy. Story time!!!

Jessica agreed to meet with us in the freezing cold and wind. I huddled up in my giant snowcoat, teaching the first lesson with blue lips alongside a companion who didn't speak intelligible english (my regular companion was at the temple in Orlando for the day) wondering how Jessica could possibly focus on what we were saying when I'm sure I looked like a frozen bundle of San Diego pansy. Well she committed to be baptized on March 29th.

Speaking of people committing to be baptized on March 29th, we have 4. Jessica we taught this week but her story is not the most ridiculous. The MOST ridiculous story belongs to Ally. We were out looking for a referral and I knocked on a door. Well that door stayed very closed, but the door next to it swung open, just about giving me a heart attack. It had been a long day, I was yet again without my companion (exchanges/splits for the evening), and it was pretty late at night. So I just leaned against the doorpost and started teaching the first lesson, casual as you like. We talked and talked and talked some more, weaving our way through all kinds of material from the Great Apostasy to the purpose of life. Long story short, Ally is excited to read Alma 32 and we will see her consistently, including tonight, as she prepares herslef for baptism at the end of March.

We didn't even knock on her door! We didn't even get into her house. But she testified of the spirit as we shared the first vision, she eagerly asked for a copy of the wonderful book that we carried, she offered the closing prayer in a sincere and beautiful way, and she didn't seem to mind that the young man she was speaking to needed to be propped up by her doorframe to stay upright! Hehehe, the Lord has some fun I think. Some fun doing incredible things with ridiculous tools.

"You may have riches and wealth untold,
Baskets of jewels and caskets of gold,
But richer than I, you never will be
For I had a mother who read to me"

A random quote. A true quote. Here's another one!

"The size of a man may be measured by the size of the things that make him angry."

Sometimes a dearth of context is a gift. It allows the spirit in which our experiences are mulled to be unadulteratedly our own. There is no real context for a mission. Everything about mission life, from the location to the dynamic to the work to the food, is 100% different from past or future. As I soak it all in as best I can, I hope I am becoming flavorful.

The best part is, if the fruit of your works is too good, then the Lord will ask for seconds! Hehehe, maybe I'll get to serve here forever. That would be nice. Particularly now that it is WARM!

Well I love you. I am having a grand old time. I love it when you send me your comments or questions or thoughts or just stories from your lives, I need it when you include me in your fasting and prayers. I have gained a sincere testimony of prayer. It works. It comes with a satisfaction garauntee.

"The standard of truth has been erected. No unhallowed hand can stop the work from progressing. Persecutions may rage, mobs may combine, armies may assemble, calumny may defame, but the work of God will go forth boldy, nobly, and independent, until it has penetrated every continent, visited ever clime, swept ever country, and sounded in every ear. Until the purposes of God shall be accomplished, and the great Jehovah shall say, 'The work is done.'"

That's the point. That's what I'm working towards. I love you.

~Elder Jorgensen

************

Letters Home

Hi mama.

Sorry, last one got sent very early! Anyway, Stark, Lake City, Elder Colette will be my new companion, whoever he is. I'll let you know my physical address as soon as I know it. ……...

My favorite food is beans and rice. Well, fruit is better, but I eat a LOT of beans and rice. Quinoa and beans are even better! Yum.

I'm trying to relax. Transitions are tough.

It sounds like you are going on the most glorious vacation ever!!!! What a fun road-trip! I hope when I get home I will be up for family road trips. I have hope for a lot of things. Real hope. Expectation. Assurance.

Hey I love you. I am so proud of all that you do. Being in that play sounds amazing and I know piano is a beautiful dream. I cannot wait for you to play for me! Maybe I can sing along or something when you do.

I honestly don't even remember this week. I've been a missionary or a missionary in waiting for 6 months, two months in this mission as of today, a transfer in the field. Sigh. A very little bit of a very lot bit of service. I am trying very very very hard to change. To be better. To be the sort of person that I want to want to be. But life is long right? Baby steps are okay? People are nice. All sorts of people have committed to be baptized. This week Elder Tuft and I got the highest numbers in the recorded history of the area we are in. It would be fun to stick around and see it happen. It would be fun to eat some cookies too. I had some Ritz crackers and my body chastised me thoroughly afterwards.

Hehehe, I am happy here. I work very very hard. You'd be so proud. And that's much more of a wonderful feeling than I deserve. I'm going to switch over to a computer from the iPad so I'll send this even though there is always more to say. Drive safe! Love you.

*************

Well, I have more time.

I just love hearing  from you and Daddy and the girls. It's so much fun for me. I'm only to focus on the positives in my letters, but I love it when I hear from you the whole picture. Of broken wrists right alongisde wonderful road trips. Makes me happy. Makes me happy to know you are happy or even sad, as long as life is being lived and stories are being told and things are moving. Makes me happy to know everything is growing, even when the stage of growth that happens to be occurring is more like purning than blossoming.

You know, I sure like books. I bet I will read them all one day. I am reading every talk given in general conference since 1971 (the first year they have them recorded on our iPads) and marking up the whole standard works and memorizing a thousand scriptures! So far I have read two sessions, marked up through Jacob, and memorized three scriptures. But I will DO IT! So THERE!

Goals are nice. You are nice. Hope your road trip is peculiar. Hope it is powerful. Hope it is hopeful. I love you very much.

Remind the girls about their commitments. Book of Mormon/Pray sincerely and with real intent to know whether it is true, gratitude journal or paper chain or wahtever (paper chain sounds coolest to me) and baptism book. I have more commitments to extend when those are done!

It is time to go. I can't decide whether to treat myself to some fruit today. I will let you know. I probably will. I so very much love fruit. I so very much love you and our glorious family. I glory in them. I glory in plainness; I glory in truth; I glory in my Jesus, for He hath redeemed my soul from hell.

Love,

~Elder Jorgensen

P.S. I know this church is true. NameaJesusChristamen. Hehe, a child's testimony. Pure and simple. All that is needful. Perhaps all we really have.

***********

Guess what? Here, if you write me back,  I can reply as long as it's still within the hours of Pday. And email time is unlimited and we have iPads so basically I can just write letters all day if I want. That would get boring though because honestly there isn't a ton to say. But I was writing to Cassi Vick and suddenly this rant came to me so I wrote it all down and wanted to send it to you too. It had nothing to do with the rest of the conversation. But I realized, people might not know that I do, in fact, have dreams. That's not true. Well it is but it doesn't matter to me. I forgot mama. I forgot I had dreams. I didn't remember until just now. I have DREAMS and aspirations and goals and wishes and desires and whims! I forgot. Because who am I to aspire? Who am I to dream? Only a broken vessel. Only a broken child. Only a sinner. Only a debtor. Unable to rise or sleep or wake up or eat or stop eating. Unable to care for myself. But. I can care for others! I care for these people. I care for our family. I have dreams for them. And somehow, it reminded me that I have dreams for me too.

"I want to live in Paris. I want to speak five languages. I want to be a lawyer or a doctor or something with inherent value that no one can take away. I want to graduate from college and from post-college education debt free. I want to go to Harvard and be a famous and influential writer, or orator, or just and influence, be it word or buck or what have you. I want to read the great books of the western world and the religious texts of every major world religion. I want to have a home and wife and children. I want to live near my family. I want to surf and skate and skydive. I want to go on snowboarding trips and watch movie marathons in a hot cabin on the weekends. I want to play rugby again. I love video games but I don't want to LOVE video games because I know they are a waste of time. I want to take a nap in the temple and pet a camel and walk the Via Dolorosa and weep in Gethsemane. I want to walk to a castle in Scotland! I want to see the Louvre and broadway musicals (LOTS) and lose myself in an art museum in Spakn and laugh at Michelangelo's signature carved in the Pieta. I want to run through the Forbidden City and eat gelato and listen to someone with an Irish accent try to explain something complicated while totally wasted. I want to beat the paste out of a piñata and get so,etching GOOD from inside. I want to read every book I've ever wanted to and write a few and find some new ones with dragons in them!!!! I love books about dragons. I want to listen to music all the time and be financially stable and alone enough to relish and value and glory in the company of the people I love so dearly. I want to watch the sunrise from a canoe. I want to go to general conference again. I want to sneeze so hard I fall over. I want to stand on a roof in Seville and try riding a speedboat in Venice and eat pizza in Pisa and weep for the Vatican and march in Boston and watch Frozen in a Norwegian fjord. I want to learn calculus and argue a case in front of an apes late court or even the Supreme Court! I want to work in the White House or at least a skyscraper. I want to be poor and then rich enough to help poor people. I want to eat nothing but fresh fruits for a week. I want to listen to my sisters laugh until their faces turn red because they can't even breathe. I want to remember my life and realize my future. I want to play a grand piano and teach a child to be more than I am. I want to quote scripture all day from memory, and speak nothing else from sunrise to sunset. I want to see Mecca and the Ganges and Giza and Mars Hill. I want to learn the constellations and point them out with stories I made up on the spot. I want to sleep at night with no worry just one time because tomorrow is planned. I want to visit every room in the temple (Salt Lake, San Diego, Navoo and LA) I want to say a prayer in the sacred grove. I want to drive 150 miles an hour. I want to pay my debts and live my life. I want to work hard and succeed. I want more stories than books. I want more learning than information, and more education than learning. I want so many things.

And I want to be a missionary even more. There is nothing I would rather be doing than this, right here, right now. I have dreams Cass, dreams that don't include being broken or sick or insane or disabled or strange. But even if I am to be, there will be no regrets in my life. Because I was a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and I know what that means. I know what that entails. And even if it was only for one moment, it would be worth all of the dreams of all of the men of all of the worlds in all of the eons of time."

Some of them are silly. Some of them are huge. I have no idea why I share them with her but I remembered. I had them and had to tell someone! Had to tell everyone!!!! I have been embarrassed by my dreams because the wicked little meanness inside of me laughs at the idea of ever being able to do anything. So I learned to be okay. I still am. Even if all I managed was to make enough money to pay enough rent to live near enough to our family to be around and play games and watch movies and eat fruit that would be fine. That's what most people do right? And I am alright with that for myself. If I were pure and doing my best to come unto Christ, that life would be wonderful.

But. I have DREAMS! Did you know I want to go to Harvard? Did you know I want to change the world? Did you know I want to travel SO very much? To every great city and every Holy Land? Did you know I want to be rich enough to help other people? Did you know I want to take calculus and speak 5 languages and ride a crazy animal (I'm choosing between a giraffe and a Galapagos tortoise. Elephant would be cool. Or eat a peacock!) and have a family and really LIVE? Sigh. It's okay if you didn't. I forgot. But I remember. It's easy to remember those things, because. I have something better. I can aspire to be that because what I am is even greater. A MISSIONARY. Temple worthy. A vessel. An apostle (lowercase a, very important). I am on my way to the CELESTIAL KINGDOM!!!!!! So why not Venice or Istanbul along the way? What is the Sistine Chapel to the temple? What is he overcoming of an escapist mentality to overcoming the natural man? How hard could it be to find books about dragons (I love dragons. I was so sad that the Game of Thrones books turned out to be such vile, evil, filthy smut. I just wanted books with dragons! Dragons are so cool.) when I have new scripture!!! Sigh. I have dreams, but I am already living my dreams come true. For a month. For two months. For more than 6 months now! Incredible. I barely believe it. I keep having to look around as I write this to see whether it has really happened. Whether I am really here.

Hey guess what? I LOVE you. So very much. You are an example to me. You and Dad and your beautiful love. The family and home and missionary work and priorities and treatment of others and SO much. I can't wait to be a part of it FOREVER! Hehehe forever. So very long, but I wonder if it's even enough.

Put my name in the temple please, next time you go. I am working on a lot of things, and struggling with others, and I would very much like the prayers. Particularly at the beginning of this new transition. Sigh. There have been very many transitions. I hope there will always be. Years and years of everything being the same. Gross. Let's be better tomorrow. Let's be different a transfer from now than we were today.

You know I think about my sisters all the time? Hello sisters!!!!!! Do you know how much your brother loves you? Do you know you are all he ever wanted? Do you know you made every day brighter? Do you know you make every tomorrow sweeter? Do you know how desperately I waited for you? Do you know how grateful I am to have you? Do you know how well I know you? Do you know how much I love you? Do you know how sorry I am for not being perfect like you deserve? Do you know how hard I try to be? Do you know how ridiculously proud. I a, of you? Do you know how much FUN I have with you? Do you know how many things I want to do with you? Do you know how many games we are going to play, adventures we are going to have, dance parties we're going to do, songs we are going to share, stories we are going to tell, and worlds we are going to conquer??? Do you know? It will take my whole life to tell you, so I'd better not miss a day. (:

There's just so much to say! I really do need to pack at some point. But no napping! If I nap I wake up hungry and GRUMPY! No one likes a grumpus. Hey mom, I am CRAZY! Hehehe, you don't really notice how crazy you are when you sleep all the time or escape into music or a little world of books or board games or video games or a movie or a swim or something. But when it's just you and one person and you're always up working, you find out just exactly what you are and it turns out all those doctors were right I am NUTS! Like, really, very different and pretty broken. But rice and beans taste better than any cake and ice cream ever did. Knocking doors is more fun than any amusement park ever was! And a new investigator? A lesson taught? A new light in an eye? A testimony borne from a soul that before held only fear?

Oh my goodness. No tongue can tell. Words can do naught but demean. It is otherworldly. It is pure. It is elegance refined incarnate. It is so fiery it passes through and out of me, leaving only a faint impression of majesty as it passes. But  I have hope that long exposure to the experience will leave a lasting impression that will chain my wandering heart to Him to whom I owe this wondrous light of life.

Oh it is wonderful. And I shout Alleluia from someplace deeper than my voice. Oh it is wonderful and I glory in my God somehow much deeper than a word. Such a brightness, such a peace, such a hope and an adventure. Such a flight. Such a Word. Such a bright untainted future.

I still fall over. I set a new record for times throwing up while tracting in one afternoon this week (6. Probably best not to tell anyone about that. I picked some oranges from a tree in a no soliciting neighborhood and we hightailed it out of there because Elder Tuft thought someone was calling the police. Maybe best not to tell anyone about that either! I wanted to re-tract a neighborhood, so I got a drastic haircut, wore completely different clothes, and took a different companion every time Elder Tuft was on exchanges. Hehehehe, tell everyone about that! It was awesome. I was like a secret agent! The residents didn't recognize me at all! I mean,  I was wearing a name tag so they might have.... Gotta have some fun though. Picked up a ton of return appointments/ new investigators. Did I tell you I saw an actual alligator? I tried to wrestle it. The other missionaries said I was not allowed. I probably would have. I need a nap.) I still lose it. I still forget. I get in trouble sometimes. But I still try. I still stand. I still am here. I am still awake. I am still dreaming. And sometimes, some wonderful times if I try very hard and am so very lucky, I am just still.

That seems like a good place to stop. NO! I have more to say!

You know there's no word for Adieu? One French word in the Book of Mormon. Everything else is translated. Well, there are things here and there. Ziff and Raca and names of stuff and whatnot. But that's all pretty obscure. No word for adieu! No concept for adieu. Does it mean see you soon? Or later? Till we meet again? Love you? Be right back? What was Jacob thinking when he wrote it? What did he express? I don't know. But maybe I am learning. Maybe we know more than we know.

I love you my wonderful, eternal family. Adieu.