Monday, March 3, 2014

WEEK 29: How To Do Whatever the Heck You Want

STARKE, FL
COMPANION:  ELDER COLLETT

This week I did whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted to do it.

It was probably the best week of my life.

I heard once that license is not liberty. As we teach people the commandments, it has been a challenge to teach them in such a way so as not to present these truths and supports as restrictions and rules. They are not restrictions with punishments attached. They are instructions with blessings promised. Looking at the Church as a restriction comes from the false notion that there is happiness to be found outside of the bounds it sets.

There is not.

Ominous.

The world beyond the gospel of Jesus Christ offers no happiness. No smile. No satisfaction. No light. There is nothing but pain, starvation, desperation, sadness, darkness, and chill outside of the sacred bounds of God.

This sounds harsh, but it is true! EVERYTHING good, happy, or hopeful in this world comes from Father and Jesus Christ. Without them, there is NOTHING. Often we imagine the gospel as adding to all this beauty and fruit that exists in the world of babylon. We think, "Well I will just enjoy life on it's own merits for a while and then begin to live the gospel." This is stupid! There is no merit! There is nothing without Christ! We are born in agony and filth, we immediately begin to suffer and decay, we endure an agonizing struggle simply to acquire the nourishment necessary to exist until we are overcome by rot and cease to be.

But in the gospel of Jesus Christ, we are born pure. We immediately begin to grow and experience and come closer to Him. Every moment of effort adds to our growth, and our eternal endowment grows as intelligence, relationships, and family are added to our lives. Even pain is redemptive, and joy is the sweeter for being mere preparation. Finally, we are adequately prepared to return to our homes, and our adventure truly begins.

What a CONTRAST. The only things worth wanting are the good things. Someone once said (I apologize for the inexact nature of these references. The authors deserve more attention than the constraints of time permit me to give) "The purpose of life is to find your purpose in life and then to do it!" The greatest blessing that I anticipated receiving as a missionary, which has proved to be infinitely greater than I imagined and yet not nearly so wondrous as others I have received in these short weeks, was that every moment of every day, I would know my purpose.

Armed with the knowledge that "Our purpose is to invite others to come unto Christ by helping them receive the restored gospel through faith in Jesus Christ and his Atonement, repentance, baptism for the remission of sins, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost, and enduring to the end", and empowered with the assurance of where happiness is to be found sealed by the understanding of the exact nature of the relationships of the commandments with freedom, I was prepared for something glorious.

I got to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted to do it. I was 100% free. No ancient despot or mythical sorcerer, no fish's fin or eagle's wing rivaled the degree and the intensity of the freedom that I enjoy. Never have there been so many rules to follow! Never has my schedule been so precise! Never have I been in any state which begins to profess to approach that level of absolute liberty with which my life is SOPPING, SOAKING wet. I freaking sweat freedom.

And it's pretty nice. Let's see what I did with it.

We chased someone across town. We were on the wrong side of the street and she just kept walking and we had to dodge traffic and couldn't keep up. Finally we lost her. We looked around where we were, saw someone to talk to, and ended up making that person a new investigator.

We saw two men in their front yard. We crossed five lanes of traffic (no stoplight and busy roads, so we literally dodged cars) and followed them around to the back of their house. They were watching NASCAR. We sat down and taught lessons at commercial breaks. One woman refused to read the book of mormon. When she said that we kind of wanted to invite her to church. She's excited to come on sunday and we have a phone number to call and remind her.

One day we wanted to go walking in the POURING rain. There was so much rain, the noise from it made even intimate conversations a shouting match. The man we met sitting in the middle of the storm is now a progressing investigator. We wanted to walk down a completely empty street where we have never met anyone. The woman who walked out of her door AS we passed her house had trouble committing to read the book of mormon because she believed so deeply it was true (after one lesson with us right there in her front yard) that she didn't see any need to pray about it. We'll be talking about what she learned from reading Alma 7 tomorrow morning.

Another morning we were pretty exhausted and felt like enjoying some sunshine. We went and met the neighbors. We are now teaching two families on our street. We knocked on one door that looked fun and the man just said, "come in!" He was fixing the pilot light to his furnace and apparently thought we were someone else. He forcefully informed us that he was baptist and did NOT want to become a mormon. We didn't want to leave. We kind of felt like hanging around. So we walked through the doorway and said, "Well, can we share a message about Jesus Christ while you work?" He shrugged, invited us to sit down, and by the end of the first lesson asked for a Book of Mormon before we could offer it and committed to be at church.

One time we wanted to walk on the railroad tracks. We like the smell of wood and iron. We found a family to teach right on the spot and an inactive woman whose non-member fiancee has just asked her to pick a church for him to join. One time we liked the look of an older house and a beautiful cobblestone road. The family walking by referred us to a man anxious to learn more. One day we felt particularly ridiculous and pulled out our iPads and just started playing movies from the Mormon Messages collection for anyone who walked by. Vernon is excited to see more movies at our appointment with him tomorrow.

We do whatever we want, whenever we want to. We speak or remain silent, walk or drive, study or preach, eat and drink with absolute freedom. We can do this because we love our God. We can do this because we truly only have one desire: to make Him happy. To see Him pleased. To somehow, some way, even with the puny resources allotted to these mortal frames, perform some action that puts a smile on the exalted face of the Creator of the cosmos. What glorious activity! What fun.

And we do have fun. We get ourselves into some pretty ridiculous situations sometimes, and have some pretty different conversations. One man said, "I LOVE you guys!" and "The Book of Mormon is CRAP!" in the same sentence. One afternoon we sorted through hundreds of heads of rotting cabbage. One woman asked if she could kiss our feet. One man curled into a ball beneath his truck and remained completely silent and motionless until we left. One woman demanded food, got a folder full of important-looking documents, and lit them on fire. One man pulled over, accosted us on the road, and asked us to come to his home and minister to his dying father, which we absolutely did. One family had 26 dogs.

We do what we want.

I wanted to be good, and so there were no rules stopping me. I did good, and so there were no blessing denied me. My freedom and my happiness know no bounds for their is no limit to the goodness that can be accomplished and received through my sacred Savior Jesus Christ. It was a pretty wonderful week. I want so badly for the experience to be repeated forever. I want it to widen and be shared. So many of you are teaching me every day how to do what I want. For those of you who don't: Try it! Come and see! Do whatever you want whenever you want to and be happier every moment for it. All it takes is loving God with all your heart.

You want to know a secret? I'm terrible at it. I'm a pretty terrible missionary. I'm just wandering around out here. Most of the time the only thing I love with all my heart is the thought of a nap and a slice of cake. I don't know what the heck I'm even saying half the time! Halfway through a sentence I'll be thinking, "Wow, that was different. I wonder where I'm going with this. Who is this person again? I should probably find out." and the next words out of my mouth are, "We are holding a baptismal service on March 23rd. Will you prepare yourself to be baptized by someone who holds the proper priesthood authority of God on that date?"

But I do love Him as best I can. I guess that is enough.

I'm just a lost child having fun out here. I don't mean to sound preachy or pretentious. Life is just a playground and I'm going backwards up the slide. Sometimes the other kids laugh. ALWAYS I laugh. But even though the names of the people and the streets and what exactly I'm doing or saying is REALLY a little fuzzy sometimes, I'm doing it because I love Father. That's the only reason I can think of. And I guess it's working. And I'm having the time of my life.

I love you.

~Elder Jorgensen


********




Letters Home
Excerpts to Mom:


Hi Mama!

Theoretically yes! Yes I can! However, we do not have wi-fi at our house and Elder Collett likes to DO things on Pday. Last week we hunted squirrels (we are way out in hickville town population nobody here) and played basketball, right now we are on our way to do something with somebody (I'm just along for the ride here...). I check mail about 10 AM (7 your time) and may or may not have the opportunity to check it again. This week I got lucky. So please do not procrastinate the writing of letters! I thought the mudslides washed you all away this week!!

I will wave to Daddy. Helloooooooooo Daddy!

Every week I buy between 5 and 10 pounds of bananas and eat them immediately. Mondays are wonderful.

I swear Courtney and I are twins. We will be homeboy homebodys.

Sigh. I might have to wait until next week to read your letter! But I love you anyway. I guess.

Hehee.

Elder Collett says this was the best week of his mission. It's possible it was the best of mine. He and I are very good friends. We are constantly joking and laughing and enjoying what we're doing.……..

It's nice. We have fun. There were 72 people in church on Sunday so it's a pretty small ward. We're going to build it up.

It feels nice, to be doing something good. I have so many thoughts. Every day there is so MUCH that trying to put down all the trials, tribulations, paradigm shifts, successes, miracles, and transformations is impossible. Hopefully I don't need to. Hopefully it will show.

***
How's the rain? How's life? Mine is pretty great. And natural. And easy. And WORK. I like fruit so much! Yum. That's all. Questions? Let me know.

P.S. You are great. Just great. I had no idea how great. What a wonderful family and spirit and mother and home. What a fantastic education and upbringing. What a beautiful world you and Dad created and create for me. I am so absurdly, ridiculously blessed.

Just for the record, I am willing for ANY adventures. Skydiving? Backpacking? Beach camping? Europe touring? Bicycling? Crazy recipes? Ridiculous book clubs? Adventure can come anywhere and I like it all. I like the memories they create and the pure fun. I also like naps. And just not ever doing anything ever! Hehehe today I just sat down in the sunshine and held perfectly still for an hour. My companion thought it was a little nuts. I loved it. And music. Goodness I love music. Elder Collett has a lot of fabulous music. What else do I like? Everything. List the good, and you'll never find time for the bad. I'm coming up on the end of my first journal. I will probably be mailing it sometime this month. I write every day. I'm exhausted and cannot speak for the quality of the contents, but I write every day... I just love you family.

Other Excerpts:

Missionaries are so annoying. I sincerely apologize. We are clueless,
we are obsessed with ourselves, and we feel we are entitled to the
fascination of everyone we have ever met. I am guilty. I apologize. I
don't mean to come across as self-obsessed or preachy or
self-righteous or self-anything in these letters. I know that I do
anyway. Sigh.

Well it was a fun week. Is it weird that I think of myself as in a
romantic relationship with Jesus? It helps me for some reason. But I
mean I kind of am! We love each other, the relationship is extremely
exclusive, and it makes love songs make sense. There's this one song
called "I'd give it all for you" from the musical "Songs for a New
World" that especially makes me think of Him. Anyway, enough
weirdness.

My favorite thing to do on Pday is shop. I love to shop. Oh wow I just
had a huge manic event thinking about shopping. Hang on I need a
breath. It's a beautiful day in Florida. Perfect temperature, a breath
of wind, sunshine... Okay I'm back. I love to shop. We get about
$30-35 a week to take care of all our physical needs. Toiletries,
detergent, food, drinks, cleaning stuff, clothes, etc. I spend most of
it on fruit that I immediately eat (today I ate most of it on the way
home from Wal Mart). But I like the endless possibilities and
stimulation of the thousands of different combinations or ingredients
or things we could buy. I bought pickled eggs and nutmeg and snuck a
passing glance at the video games section (I know, I am such a
sinner). I also like to sit in the quiet and play a little word game
with scrabble tiles I have called Take 2. I don't get the chance to do
that often though. And of course I like emails. We are allowed to
shop, email, clean, and engage in safe and appropriate recreational
activities. So basically basketball, tennis, and whatever randomness
we can think of in the hour or two we have to do them. It's kind of
like when a group of friends gets together and goes, "Well, let's do
SOMETHING!"

Side note for mama, do you know there are brand new versions of red
alert that you can buy and play on the xBox??? So cool. It was like my
childhood washed over me when I found that out. We will play one day.

The milk challenge (1 gallon of milk in a day) is a breeze. I drank
half a gallon in 20 minutes the other day without batting an eye.
Well, it was soy milk. Maybe that made a difference. Hehehe I have the
most terrible farmers tan. I guess it's a missionary tan. I have some
obsessive self-destructive tendencies. Because of the structure of
missionary life, the only way it can really manifest itself is in
gluttony. I'm not supposed to eat sugars, dairy, meats (except poultry
or fish) or gluten because they make me pretty sick. But I do. But I'm
working on it! My fast this month was for a resolution to my
self-loathing and the self-destructive behaviors, particularly
gluttony, which it feeds. Fasting always does the trick. Maybe because
it's such a big sacrifice to give up food, which I so desperately
love. Perhaps I will be a chef. I could legitimately see that
happening. We have LOTS of Jams. Well, we did. I ate them. I mixed
them with dry oats and a little milk and some cinnamon. You ever had
homemade jams made with homegrown fruit with oats and spices and just
a hint of milk? Wow. I ate four days worth of food in like two hours.
Amazing. Big fan of sweeteners. You should see the amount of honey I
dump on stuff. And nutmeg! I bought nutmeg today. I am so excited. My
whole week is going to taste like Christmas.

I DID have some misadventures in food this week, now that you mention
it. Some very expired deli meats and cheese took me out for a morning.
Some rotten cabbage had me under the wether for an afternoon. And the
free expired turkey salami that was donated to us by a food donation
place in town just about killed me. But the pickled eggs from Wal Mart
weren't that bad! Probably wouldn't buy them again. I really want one
of those Zero candy bars but I know I'd be sick all week. If you see
one eat it and tell me how it tastes. I get my protein and iron from
beans. Soooooooooooooooo many beans. That's enough about food.
Obviously I'm a little hungry right now. Really it's my soul that's
hungry. See if you can find the part in the Book of Mormon where it
says "my soul hungered".

So! Squirrel hunting. We used slingshots. Well, the other elders used
slingshots. I fantasizes about being a gladiator and riding my
golf-cart chariot around like a BOSS. Um, Sherlock is my favorite show
of all time. I sincerely do not even know how many times I watched the
first two seasons. The third season has come out since I left, yes? My
hands are literally shaking with anticipation. I like to go on walks.
One of my dream days is to get a laptop and a pile of movies and just
walk. Walk to wherever. Then stop and watch as much of whatever you
want as you want. Then, whenever the fancy takes you, pack it up and
walk some more. In my brain, I refer to it as the mobile movie
marathon. I'm thinking about having it copyrighted.

Emma Watson is fantastic but I did not see Perks of Being a
Wallflower. What are the perks? Is one of them you get to hang out
with Emma Watson? That would be a pretty good perk. I know how it is
to have no time. Busy busy BUSY! Try one page of Book of Mormon
reading a day. It will take a long time to read it and that's okay. It
isn't a novel, it's a feast. It's okay to consume it slowly, to savor
every bite. It took a thousand years for the most brilliant members of
the most advanced civilization on the planet to write it, it's okay if
it takes you a year or two to absorb it. Don't judge yourself and say
oh I should read more! I'm not going to only read a page I need to get
it all done! I'm better than this! And then you find yourself two
months down the road not having read anything. Just a page a day.
That's my unsolicited advice. I only give it because I spent half my
life wishing someone had given it to me. I didn't know I could go a
bit at a time. I didn't know I could just do as much as I could and
that was good enough for the only one who mattered. But you're a lot
wiser than I ever was, so you probably didn't need any of that. And
again, sorry for the food metaphors. I seriously need a meal.

This area has been fabulous to me. I am enjoying it immensely. I am so
happy. You are fantastic. Thanks for writing to me. I repeat the
apology with which I began.

What's the best part of your life? Who are your friends?  What is the
most significant growth you have experienced in the last year? What
were your New Years resolutions? What is your favorite spice? What is
something that brings you enormous peace and closer to God completely
unexpectedly? For me it's games. Board games, computer games, anything
that fully engages my mind but is absolutely silent and allows my body
to be absolutely still. Do you know any riddles? I would love a riddle
or two to puzzle over. I have a lot of free mind time. What's your
favorite book? Now what is your ACTUALLY favorite book? The one you
secretly love and would read a million times but don't admit is your
favorite because you feel it is not classy enough. Maybe you don't do
that. Maybe pride is not so laughably, obviously systemic in you as it
is in me.

Oh also, you are great. Are you playing sports? Have there been any
particularly comical disasters in your life recently? I like those.
I'm craving some Mario Kart. And a snack.

This is the week. The best one you've ever had, and the worst one of
the rest of your life.

Exciting.

So yeah I tailored it a bit but I was thinking of you, family, the
whole time I wrote it so it was pretty much copy and paste. I
particularly want some riddles. I love you. Thanks for being patient
with my odd writing system. Thanks for being my family.

*******

More Excerpts to Mom:

What a fantastic letter!! The temptation to respond would be excruciating throughout the week so I am going to do my best to do it right now during dinner before Pday ends. The letters are reminiscent of our talks for me as well!! I love them. I am so glad you enjoyed his week's addition! Thank you so much for your kind words. There were a billion stories this week. So,sties elder Collett and I will stay up for an hour at night just laying there recalling ridiculous stories from the day and laughing uproariously.

Any happiness we obtain in the world comes from our following, perhaps unwittingly, the doctrine of Christ. The doctrine of Christ is there hidden in the folds of a devoutly Muslim wedding, or an atheist's birthday party, or a band concert or a child's summer afternoon. Somehow faith or Hope or charity, a Christlike attribute or obedience to an unenunciated and yet instinctively understood commandment are present in EVERYTHING that brings a smile or a laugh or a peace. He is the good, and there is no other source. He is not a topping we add to our happiness we find elsewhere, as I had thought unknowingly before. He is the source, and the purpose. The beginning and the end. A clearer understanding of this principle has brought ,e such focus and peace. And I hope yet clearer understanding awaits me tomorrow and today.

Uh oh I hope I didn't make it sound like I'm thinking only people who believe in Christ or the church are anything but filthy!! No no no! Only that that's what life would be like, hypothetically. But it isn't! Not for anyone! It's beautiful and incredible every moment. Rarely do I see and experience it that way, but that's because my eyes and my senses are not yet pure. If they were, if I could see the world as it truly is, the glory would blind me! Hehehe, irony.

Anyway, to sum up, all I meant was Jesus is great and He is what makes everyone happy, whether they know it or not. And it's that spark of His within them that makes them invaluable, whether they feel that way or not. The end.

I bore mine too!! I wish I could have heard yours. I love your testimony. I am so lucky to have a mother who bears it. Whoa, I have never thought about Eve that way!!! That blew my mind!!!!! I need to see this play! I am glad you are all safe from the rain. I am thankful for your kind words. I struggle to think of my life as anything but a train wreck. Hearing you describe it as moving towards some beautiful thing is deeply comforting. It's beautiful. Thank you.

I am sincerely jealous of your dried apples. We eat like KINGS in our home I had no idea!! Well I love beans and rice now. Love them three meals a day sometimes. I'm chunking up here in Starke! Gotta fix that. It sounds like Daddy was the knight in shining armor he ALWAYS is. What a fantastic man. Wow. What a man.

Family is special. Family is different. I heard the new new temple movies are amazing and I am so JEALOUS! Even more jealous than of dried fruit!!!! I get to go to the temple at my year mark. That is a very, very long way away...

Oat groats sound amazing. I feel your pain, beans take more than three hours to prepare. I have to really plan it out. WOW I had no idea Stacy's recovery was so complete!!!!!! WOW! That is fantastic!!!!! Goodness it takes my breath away. Goodness I love that woman. And that family. I am so glad you are keeping close.

Oh that piano. I miss it. I even miss the endlessly repeated songs. After being home for two days I will cease missing it, but for now I do. Maybe I will buy really nice earplugs on the flight back and go on missing it forever. Hehehehe I brag about the little musical prodigies to the members sometimes. They say my face lights up when I talk about them. Missoula and voice lessons and submitting videos!!!! So many fun things! Thank you for helping me be a part of them. Thank you so much.

Have fun reading. Have fun in the warmth. It is getting pretty hot here which is good because I have been freezing cold for three months!! But it's baking now and I'm sure I will long for the chills soon enough. Starke is one giant speed trap but I do not drive so I am safe. But yes, never drive here. A package??? Cassidy sent me a cars that said I was her hero. I keep it close and tear up ever time I read it. My heart is all a flutter even thinking of it.

A package. Hmmmm. There's really nothing I need. If you want to send me things, I will love and cherish them just because they are from the people I love and cherish most! You could send me rocks and I would snuggle them with a smile.

I'm going to work now. We're going to work very, very hard. I'm a bit nervous. But it's a delicious nervous. I'm a bit homesick. But it's a sweet feeling. Keep a spot in your hearts and prayers for me. I just love you so much. I'm going to make our brothers and sisters homes as wondrous and beautiful as ours. I'm going to work for Father, but I'll be back soon, much too soon, and I'll let you know how it's going.

For a while I'm far away. I've never felt so near. And love for you today, will drive out any fear.

Thank you,

-Elder Jorgensen