WEEK 28: A Starke Contrast

STARKE, FL
COMPANION:  ELDER COLLETT

So I live in a house now. It is not an apartment. It is a house. We do not live with a member and we do not share it with other missionaries. It has a family room with an enormous fireplace, lots of closets, three bedrooms, 1 and 1/2 bathrooms, a kitchen with dining area attached, a laundry room, and a garage. We live in a charming neighborhood, have a front and back yard, and all the appliances (including our own washer and dryer, oven, refrigerator, stove, beds, recliners, etc.). We also have a full-time car, drove off the lot last month. It is a 2014 Ford Fusion and has 1800 miles on it as of this morning. It makes driving the 0.5 miles to the church building pretty nice. Our companionship has a cell-phone, we each have our personal iPads and we use Facebook to proselyte as well. It is a 21st century missionary life, and I am a little in awe of the RIDICULOUS amount of blessings. I'll probably never be this rich again!

My address is 701 Glendale St. Starke, FL, 32091, if you care to send a letter to my palatial abode.

Starke is a TINY little town filled to BURSTING with southern hospitality. People give us a lot of jams. I have a bit of a sweet tooth. The other day I caught myself eating the jam straight from the jar. Sigh. Anyway, it is wonderful, and there is a train that runs right through the middle of town! It is very loud but makes me feel like I am living in the Old West.

My new companion is named Elder Collett and is from Hemet California!!! He is easily the most relaxed person I have ever met. Even talking to him makes my blood pressure slow down. We are excited to work hard here in Starke, Lawtey, and whatever that other city we are in charge of is called (geographically, our area is huge...)

So MIRACLES! I have a tendency to occasionally be inconvenienced by various weaknesses. One day this week, my body decided it had had quite enough of my jam-guzzling ways, and my left leg went on strike. That must be where my french blood is. Anyway, it was a pretty uncomfortable experience. I was not a fan. By the time studies were over (which I completed lying on the floor), it was pretty clear that the 5 hours of walking/contacting/finding/service that we had planned was not possible. But we had made plans, we had faith, and there was work to do. So we said a prayer, I got up, and we started working.

10 hours, two service projects, three new investigators, 2 full lessons taught, half a dozen potential investigators found, three referrals received and contacted, and one woman who would a couple days later accept a baptism date met, I collapsed back on the floor where I had spent the morning studying.

We see a lot of miracles in our lives and sometimes it's hard to point and say, "Yes, that, that right there, THAT was a miracle. God did that. It would not have happened otherwise." It was not hard this week. I could not walk. It took me over an hour to take a shower and brush my teeth. And yet the work was not inhibited. It went forth boldly, nobly, and independent of my petty weakness. So believe in miracles. I see them. They happen.

You know, miracles are pretty great. Success is pretty great. I am working on being satisfied. It seems like I can never be still for more than a second without asking, "What's next?" In pondering this trait of mine, be it weakness or potential or vice, I had a phrase begin to repeat itself in my mind. The phrase is this:

This can be the worst day of the rest of your life.

How WONDERFUL is that?? Today can be the low point of the remainder of your eternal existence! Every single moment after this one can be an improvement. Everything can always be better. How happy are you now? Tomorrow can be happier. How satisfied are you today? Tomorrow can be sweeter. There is no reason whatsoever that anything ever has to get worse. Today can be the worst day of the rest of your life. Jesus Christ is at your side. Heavenly Father reigns supreme. With them, all things are good things. With them, there is nowhere but up to go.

I cannot believe I have been here a week already. I cannot believe how many blessings I have received. The work is good and seems an awful lot like play. My companion is a blessing and support. And my God hears my prayers. He loves me. He asks me to begin or to cease, and then he waits for me to follow, and I may progress as quickly or as slowly as I choose to heed His call. I hope it is quickly. I hope to grow. I love being a missionary. I try His work to do.

~Elder Jorgensen

Letters Home

Excerpts To Kent:

Hehehe yes Starke is a little bit different than I am used to but I am certain I will come to feel very much at home here. I am sorry people have been sick! It sounds like it hasn't slowed down the construction project though. What a fantastic creation, turning that space into an adventure, a castle, a hideaway, a study room, a whatever you want it to be! I have talked to cassidy a few times actually! She is a lot of fun to talk to.

It's been hard for me recently to not be worried about the numbers and the results. I was sort of told I was being sent here to produce, and I feel frustrated when we do not. I will keep the thought of Abinadi in my mind and share with my companion the message of, "You never know".

Being an iPad missionary basically means we use our iPads as we work. We have mormon messages and the life of christ videos downloaded on there, along with scriptures, general conferences (I am reading through all of them starting in April 1971) and we have an "Area Book" application that has replaced all of our paper planners and record keeping. It is an amazing tool! We also use it to proselyte using facebook for an hour every day. I have a few pages that I maintain and am trying to learn how to use all of the little tools on there more effectively.

I have more than enough of everything, thank you so much for asking. There was a bit of a miscommunication about shopping in the hectic schedule of transfers so I have been eating a lot of rice and beans the last couple weeks but I am about to go shopping and buy a ton of fruit! Yum. Wow THAT is a competitive game! I cannot wait to get whooped by both of you! I love you. There are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many fun times ahead! I'm excited for them, and excited to hear about your adventures every week. They make my life  that much easier and sweeter.

***************
Excerpts To Mom:

Hi there.

YES! Hehehe you MISS ME! Good. I like to be missed. Being missed is fun. It makes me feel important. You read the Illiad! It is GORY. Sorry about that. But YES! The Illiad is widely considered to be one of the most powerful and incredible pieces of ancient literature of all time. And yet it is put to SHAME beside the Book of Mormon. The feeling you are left with is night and day difference. The power and wisdom contained in the pages is of breathtaking contrast. I love secular literature for its own contribution to my soul, but I love it more because it sharpens and heightens my appreciation and hunger for the Truth, and it's confirmation that the Book of Mormon is the very word of God.

Elder Hurd was my companion in the MTC. He was in some of the pictures I emailed home while I was there. He is the very skinny blonde one. Elder Tuft was my companion in Gainesville. He has short brown hair and a perpetual 5 'o clock shadow. I think there are pictures on my facebook page. I mentioned this last week, but I have a facebook and we can be friends but you cannot use it to communicate with me. So no commenting, messaging, liking, etc. or I will be all sorts of busted. But there are pictures and posts and whatnot on there and you can check them out! My new companion is the oldest of 10 kids, is a white/yellow, more relaxed and chill than anyone I have ever met, doesn't watch PG-13 movies, enjoys music, is introverted but willing to talk to people, and is just a nice guy! The transition has been MUCH easier than I anticipated. I have been in some pretty intense pain but that has just given the opportunity for miracles!

Much of my distress has come from my inability to keep the diet. I am trying! You are an inspiration and I will try harder. I read something in a general conference talk that helped. "He who seeks the Lord has already found Him." We get what we look for. The joy is in the journey. As you struggle with Pride in a search for humility, you would not believe it if you were told that you are already living humbly. But your striving to be proves that it is so! How wonderful. How hopeful.

I just finished Jacob. The second to last first is very sad. I'm not sure how I feel about that. But I can agree that everything is slipping by like a dream. I work hard. I want to work harder. I try and strive to do more. I am changing back into the person I believe I was meant to be. I am growing by sloughing off all that I have carried around with me for so long.

I love you. I hope your trip was fantabulous.

****

You're pretty great. I say my mom this or my mom that or the way my mom does it or my mama once said like a billion times a day. I enjoy it. Other people might get tired of it, but I enjoy it. I just have a pretty cool family! I have a pretty cool life. I am living it up here in Starke, in case that was not adequately communicated in my other letters. These last five days since transfers have probably been the easiest in the last 8 months! So whatever it is you are saying in your prayers, keep saying it! It is working.

I get pretty sad sometimes when I think about all the terrible people I have been or things I have said or thought or done or felt. I like to hope that it is because there is so much light and growth in my life that I am gaining an appreciation for exactly what I really was living before. It makes me happy to grow and have light! But it makes me so sad to contemplate the enormous waste and destruction. Sometimes I feel I don't deserve to be doing what I'm doing and have what I have. Actually it's a daily thought. But I pray and I feel better. I remember that I am better. I remember that I worked hard to get here, and how prideful and silly and faithless and wrong it is to reject the Savior's sacrifice by wishing or inflicting punishment upon myself. it's a weird feeling. I've felt a lot of guilt when I've done things wrong, but that's not what I feel because I don't do anything wrong! I just feel embarrassed, and ashamed, and sad. But I try to pray and feel better. You are having a similar struggle it sounds like, which is why I share this one. My companion is ready to go, so I will just say I love you, ask you to pray for me, ask you to share what works as you go. I say a prayer and write down my feelings and thoughts so I can read them the next time the struggle pops up. I have a pretty big stack of positive spiritual impressions by now that I am alright! That things are going to be alright. That it's enough to just live today, without the weight of tomorrows and yesterdays. "A single day--It's all any of us have--so let's live it and LIVE IT WELL!!!!!!"

One more happy thought. I was walking down the street yesterday and realized I could do anything I wanted. ANYTHING I wanted AT ALL. I was so truly free it startled me. It was like flying! Because all I wanted was to be a missionary. All I wanted was to do the Lord's will and serve His children. Every one of my desires was righteous and so I could do ANYTHING I wanted, and I knew that 1) It was good and 2) The Lord would make it possible. In the whole universe, there was not a modicum of matter freer than I was in that instant. My heart was so light. My spirit was so still. The smile was so genuine. My eyes were so bright. I was free. I AM free. With faith I hope that I will always love to be.

I love you, Mother Dearest. I am craving avocado with homegrown tomato slice with salt and pepper on toasted rice bread like NOBODY'S business. WOW. Eat some for me. Did you get all my letters last week? There were lots. Remember that I have dreams. Remember! I remember. I am so happy to have dreams. I love that you and Dad and Cassidy and Kathryn and Courtney are one dream that I have every night, and awake every morning to find has come true.

WEEK 27: The Black Name Tag of Courage

STARKE, FLORIDA
COMPANION:  ELDER COLLETT

Hello! I have been transferred. I am now in Stark, Lake City. It is a little bit north of where I was before; still in North-Eastern Florida, but much more out in the country. A new transfer means new goals and new plans! Here are mine:

1) Memorize a scripture a day.
2) Sing a hymn with every meal.
3) Offer an hourly prayer.
4) Keep a gratitude journal in my pocket and add to it throughout the day whenever the fancy find me.
5) Bring a tangible token to the Lord every night as an offering for your day. It can be a journal entry, or a gratitude list, or a penny you found heads-up while you did His work, or a picture of one of His children that you helped to smile that day, or the calluses on your knuckles from another thousand doors knocked. It needn't be gold or myrrh, but offer a gift to the Christ-child anew.
6) Smile every time you notice you are not.
7) Remember each person within your stewardship (investigators and potential investigators for me, perhaps family or co-workers or cub scouts for you) by face and name each day.
8) Spend at least one moment pretending you are the person you wish to be. Notice how it feels. Notice what the world is like. Relish it. Love it.

Some fun goals. Change and new beginnings can be stressful sometimes. I bet birth was pretty stressful. But they needn't be. It's all just part of one thing; our eternal life.

"Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting;
The soul that rises with us, our life's star,
Hath had elsewhere its setting.
And cometh from afar;
Not in entire forgetfulness,

And not in utter nakedness,

But trailing clouds of glory do we come

From God, who is our home."

-William Wordsworth "Intimations of Immortality"

I'm feeling like this is all a little preachy. Story time!!!

Jessica agreed to meet with us in the freezing cold and wind. I huddled up in my giant snowcoat, teaching the first lesson with blue lips alongside a companion who didn't speak intelligible english (my regular companion was at the temple in Orlando for the day) wondering how Jessica could possibly focus on what we were saying when I'm sure I looked like a frozen bundle of San Diego pansy. Well she committed to be baptized on March 29th.

Speaking of people committing to be baptized on March 29th, we have 4. Jessica we taught this week but her story is not the most ridiculous. The MOST ridiculous story belongs to Ally. We were out looking for a referral and I knocked on a door. Well that door stayed very closed, but the door next to it swung open, just about giving me a heart attack. It had been a long day, I was yet again without my companion (exchanges/splits for the evening), and it was pretty late at night. So I just leaned against the doorpost and started teaching the first lesson, casual as you like. We talked and talked and talked some more, weaving our way through all kinds of material from the Great Apostasy to the purpose of life. Long story short, Ally is excited to read Alma 32 and we will see her consistently, including tonight, as she prepares herslef for baptism at the end of March.

We didn't even knock on her door! We didn't even get into her house. But she testified of the spirit as we shared the first vision, she eagerly asked for a copy of the wonderful book that we carried, she offered the closing prayer in a sincere and beautiful way, and she didn't seem to mind that the young man she was speaking to needed to be propped up by her doorframe to stay upright! Hehehe, the Lord has some fun I think. Some fun doing incredible things with ridiculous tools.

"You may have riches and wealth untold,
Baskets of jewels and caskets of gold,
But richer than I, you never will be
For I had a mother who read to me"

A random quote. A true quote. Here's another one!

"The size of a man may be measured by the size of the things that make him angry."

Sometimes a dearth of context is a gift. It allows the spirit in which our experiences are mulled to be unadulteratedly our own. There is no real context for a mission. Everything about mission life, from the location to the dynamic to the work to the food, is 100% different from past or future. As I soak it all in as best I can, I hope I am becoming flavorful.

The best part is, if the fruit of your works is too good, then the Lord will ask for seconds! Hehehe, maybe I'll get to serve here forever. That would be nice. Particularly now that it is WARM!

Well I love you. I am having a grand old time. I love it when you send me your comments or questions or thoughts or just stories from your lives, I need it when you include me in your fasting and prayers. I have gained a sincere testimony of prayer. It works. It comes with a satisfaction garauntee.

"The standard of truth has been erected. No unhallowed hand can stop the work from progressing. Persecutions may rage, mobs may combine, armies may assemble, calumny may defame, but the work of God will go forth boldy, nobly, and independent, until it has penetrated every continent, visited ever clime, swept ever country, and sounded in every ear. Until the purposes of God shall be accomplished, and the great Jehovah shall say, 'The work is done.'"

That's the point. That's what I'm working towards. I love you.

~Elder Jorgensen

************

Letters Home

Hi mama.

Sorry, last one got sent very early! Anyway, Stark, Lake City, Elder Colette will be my new companion, whoever he is. I'll let you know my physical address as soon as I know it. ……...

My favorite food is beans and rice. Well, fruit is better, but I eat a LOT of beans and rice. Quinoa and beans are even better! Yum.

I'm trying to relax. Transitions are tough.

It sounds like you are going on the most glorious vacation ever!!!! What a fun road-trip! I hope when I get home I will be up for family road trips. I have hope for a lot of things. Real hope. Expectation. Assurance.

Hey I love you. I am so proud of all that you do. Being in that play sounds amazing and I know piano is a beautiful dream. I cannot wait for you to play for me! Maybe I can sing along or something when you do.

I honestly don't even remember this week. I've been a missionary or a missionary in waiting for 6 months, two months in this mission as of today, a transfer in the field. Sigh. A very little bit of a very lot bit of service. I am trying very very very hard to change. To be better. To be the sort of person that I want to want to be. But life is long right? Baby steps are okay? People are nice. All sorts of people have committed to be baptized. This week Elder Tuft and I got the highest numbers in the recorded history of the area we are in. It would be fun to stick around and see it happen. It would be fun to eat some cookies too. I had some Ritz crackers and my body chastised me thoroughly afterwards.

Hehehe, I am happy here. I work very very hard. You'd be so proud. And that's much more of a wonderful feeling than I deserve. I'm going to switch over to a computer from the iPad so I'll send this even though there is always more to say. Drive safe! Love you.

*************

Well, I have more time.

I just love hearing  from you and Daddy and the girls. It's so much fun for me. I'm only to focus on the positives in my letters, but I love it when I hear from you the whole picture. Of broken wrists right alongisde wonderful road trips. Makes me happy. Makes me happy to know you are happy or even sad, as long as life is being lived and stories are being told and things are moving. Makes me happy to know everything is growing, even when the stage of growth that happens to be occurring is more like purning than blossoming.

You know, I sure like books. I bet I will read them all one day. I am reading every talk given in general conference since 1971 (the first year they have them recorded on our iPads) and marking up the whole standard works and memorizing a thousand scriptures! So far I have read two sessions, marked up through Jacob, and memorized three scriptures. But I will DO IT! So THERE!

Goals are nice. You are nice. Hope your road trip is peculiar. Hope it is powerful. Hope it is hopeful. I love you very much.

Remind the girls about their commitments. Book of Mormon/Pray sincerely and with real intent to know whether it is true, gratitude journal or paper chain or wahtever (paper chain sounds coolest to me) and baptism book. I have more commitments to extend when those are done!

It is time to go. I can't decide whether to treat myself to some fruit today. I will let you know. I probably will. I so very much love fruit. I so very much love you and our glorious family. I glory in them. I glory in plainness; I glory in truth; I glory in my Jesus, for He hath redeemed my soul from hell.

Love,

~Elder Jorgensen

P.S. I know this church is true. NameaJesusChristamen. Hehe, a child's testimony. Pure and simple. All that is needful. Perhaps all we really have.

***********

Guess what? Here, if you write me back,  I can reply as long as it's still within the hours of Pday. And email time is unlimited and we have iPads so basically I can just write letters all day if I want. That would get boring though because honestly there isn't a ton to say. But I was writing to Cassi Vick and suddenly this rant came to me so I wrote it all down and wanted to send it to you too. It had nothing to do with the rest of the conversation. But I realized, people might not know that I do, in fact, have dreams. That's not true. Well it is but it doesn't matter to me. I forgot mama. I forgot I had dreams. I didn't remember until just now. I have DREAMS and aspirations and goals and wishes and desires and whims! I forgot. Because who am I to aspire? Who am I to dream? Only a broken vessel. Only a broken child. Only a sinner. Only a debtor. Unable to rise or sleep or wake up or eat or stop eating. Unable to care for myself. But. I can care for others! I care for these people. I care for our family. I have dreams for them. And somehow, it reminded me that I have dreams for me too.

"I want to live in Paris. I want to speak five languages. I want to be a lawyer or a doctor or something with inherent value that no one can take away. I want to graduate from college and from post-college education debt free. I want to go to Harvard and be a famous and influential writer, or orator, or just and influence, be it word or buck or what have you. I want to read the great books of the western world and the religious texts of every major world religion. I want to have a home and wife and children. I want to live near my family. I want to surf and skate and skydive. I want to go on snowboarding trips and watch movie marathons in a hot cabin on the weekends. I want to play rugby again. I love video games but I don't want to LOVE video games because I know they are a waste of time. I want to take a nap in the temple and pet a camel and walk the Via Dolorosa and weep in Gethsemane. I want to walk to a castle in Scotland! I want to see the Louvre and broadway musicals (LOTS) and lose myself in an art museum in Spakn and laugh at Michelangelo's signature carved in the Pieta. I want to run through the Forbidden City and eat gelato and listen to someone with an Irish accent try to explain something complicated while totally wasted. I want to beat the paste out of a piñata and get so,etching GOOD from inside. I want to read every book I've ever wanted to and write a few and find some new ones with dragons in them!!!! I love books about dragons. I want to listen to music all the time and be financially stable and alone enough to relish and value and glory in the company of the people I love so dearly. I want to watch the sunrise from a canoe. I want to go to general conference again. I want to sneeze so hard I fall over. I want to stand on a roof in Seville and try riding a speedboat in Venice and eat pizza in Pisa and weep for the Vatican and march in Boston and watch Frozen in a Norwegian fjord. I want to learn calculus and argue a case in front of an apes late court or even the Supreme Court! I want to work in the White House or at least a skyscraper. I want to be poor and then rich enough to help poor people. I want to eat nothing but fresh fruits for a week. I want to listen to my sisters laugh until their faces turn red because they can't even breathe. I want to remember my life and realize my future. I want to play a grand piano and teach a child to be more than I am. I want to quote scripture all day from memory, and speak nothing else from sunrise to sunset. I want to see Mecca and the Ganges and Giza and Mars Hill. I want to learn the constellations and point them out with stories I made up on the spot. I want to sleep at night with no worry just one time because tomorrow is planned. I want to visit every room in the temple (Salt Lake, San Diego, Navoo and LA) I want to say a prayer in the sacred grove. I want to drive 150 miles an hour. I want to pay my debts and live my life. I want to work hard and succeed. I want more stories than books. I want more learning than information, and more education than learning. I want so many things.

And I want to be a missionary even more. There is nothing I would rather be doing than this, right here, right now. I have dreams Cass, dreams that don't include being broken or sick or insane or disabled or strange. But even if I am to be, there will be no regrets in my life. Because I was a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and I know what that means. I know what that entails. And even if it was only for one moment, it would be worth all of the dreams of all of the men of all of the worlds in all of the eons of time."

Some of them are silly. Some of them are huge. I have no idea why I share them with her but I remembered. I had them and had to tell someone! Had to tell everyone!!!! I have been embarrassed by my dreams because the wicked little meanness inside of me laughs at the idea of ever being able to do anything. So I learned to be okay. I still am. Even if all I managed was to make enough money to pay enough rent to live near enough to our family to be around and play games and watch movies and eat fruit that would be fine. That's what most people do right? And I am alright with that for myself. If I were pure and doing my best to come unto Christ, that life would be wonderful.

But. I have DREAMS! Did you know I want to go to Harvard? Did you know I want to change the world? Did you know I want to travel SO very much? To every great city and every Holy Land? Did you know I want to be rich enough to help other people? Did you know I want to take calculus and speak 5 languages and ride a crazy animal (I'm choosing between a giraffe and a Galapagos tortoise. Elephant would be cool. Or eat a peacock!) and have a family and really LIVE? Sigh. It's okay if you didn't. I forgot. But I remember. It's easy to remember those things, because. I have something better. I can aspire to be that because what I am is even greater. A MISSIONARY. Temple worthy. A vessel. An apostle (lowercase a, very important). I am on my way to the CELESTIAL KINGDOM!!!!!! So why not Venice or Istanbul along the way? What is the Sistine Chapel to the temple? What is he overcoming of an escapist mentality to overcoming the natural man? How hard could it be to find books about dragons (I love dragons. I was so sad that the Game of Thrones books turned out to be such vile, evil, filthy smut. I just wanted books with dragons! Dragons are so cool.) when I have new scripture!!! Sigh. I have dreams, but I am already living my dreams come true. For a month. For two months. For more than 6 months now! Incredible. I barely believe it. I keep having to look around as I write this to see whether it has really happened. Whether I am really here.

Hey guess what? I LOVE you. So very much. You are an example to me. You and Dad and your beautiful love. The family and home and missionary work and priorities and treatment of others and SO much. I can't wait to be a part of it FOREVER! Hehehe forever. So very long, but I wonder if it's even enough.

Put my name in the temple please, next time you go. I am working on a lot of things, and struggling with others, and I would very much like the prayers. Particularly at the beginning of this new transition. Sigh. There have been very many transitions. I hope there will always be. Years and years of everything being the same. Gross. Let's be better tomorrow. Let's be different a transfer from now than we were today.

You know I think about my sisters all the time? Hello sisters!!!!!! Do you know how much your brother loves you? Do you know you are all he ever wanted? Do you know you made every day brighter? Do you know you make every tomorrow sweeter? Do you know how desperately I waited for you? Do you know how grateful I am to have you? Do you know how well I know you? Do you know how much I love you? Do you know how sorry I am for not being perfect like you deserve? Do you know how hard I try to be? Do you know how ridiculously proud. I a, of you? Do you know how much FUN I have with you? Do you know how many things I want to do with you? Do you know how many games we are going to play, adventures we are going to have, dance parties we're going to do, songs we are going to share, stories we are going to tell, and worlds we are going to conquer??? Do you know? It will take my whole life to tell you, so I'd better not miss a day. (:

There's just so much to say! I really do need to pack at some point. But no napping! If I nap I wake up hungry and GRUMPY! No one likes a grumpus. Hey mom, I am CRAZY! Hehehe, you don't really notice how crazy you are when you sleep all the time or escape into music or a little world of books or board games or video games or a movie or a swim or something. But when it's just you and one person and you're always up working, you find out just exactly what you are and it turns out all those doctors were right I am NUTS! Like, really, very different and pretty broken. But rice and beans taste better than any cake and ice cream ever did. Knocking doors is more fun than any amusement park ever was! And a new investigator? A lesson taught? A new light in an eye? A testimony borne from a soul that before held only fear?

Oh my goodness. No tongue can tell. Words can do naught but demean. It is otherworldly. It is pure. It is elegance refined incarnate. It is so fiery it passes through and out of me, leaving only a faint impression of majesty as it passes. But  I have hope that long exposure to the experience will leave a lasting impression that will chain my wandering heart to Him to whom I owe this wondrous light of life.

Oh it is wonderful. And I shout Alleluia from someplace deeper than my voice. Oh it is wonderful and I glory in my God somehow much deeper than a word. Such a brightness, such a peace, such a hope and an adventure. Such a flight. Such a Word. Such a bright untainted future.

I still fall over. I set a new record for times throwing up while tracting in one afternoon this week (6. Probably best not to tell anyone about that. I picked some oranges from a tree in a no soliciting neighborhood and we hightailed it out of there because Elder Tuft thought someone was calling the police. Maybe best not to tell anyone about that either! I wanted to re-tract a neighborhood, so I got a drastic haircut, wore completely different clothes, and took a different companion every time Elder Tuft was on exchanges. Hehehehe, tell everyone about that! It was awesome. I was like a secret agent! The residents didn't recognize me at all! I mean,  I was wearing a name tag so they might have.... Gotta have some fun though. Picked up a ton of return appointments/ new investigators. Did I tell you I saw an actual alligator? I tried to wrestle it. The other missionaries said I was not allowed. I probably would have. I need a nap.) I still lose it. I still forget. I get in trouble sometimes. But I still try. I still stand. I still am here. I am still awake. I am still dreaming. And sometimes, some wonderful times if I try very hard and am so very lucky, I am just still.

That seems like a good place to stop. NO! I have more to say!

You know there's no word for Adieu? One French word in the Book of Mormon. Everything else is translated. Well, there are things here and there. Ziff and Raca and names of stuff and whatnot. But that's all pretty obscure. No word for adieu! No concept for adieu. Does it mean see you soon? Or later? Till we meet again? Love you? Be right back? What was Jacob thinking when he wrote it? What did he express? I don't know. But maybe I am learning. Maybe we know more than we know.

I love you my wonderful, eternal family. Adieu.

WEEK 26: Of Rice and Men

GAINESVILLE, FL
COMPANION/FLORIDA TRAINER:  ELDER TUFT

A week of wonder!!! Goodness gracious where to begin.

Well hello. James and Carrie accepted a baptism date for the end of March. Tito has decided he knows the gospel is true. We are teaching two more families this week than last week. I have been led by the spirit to needles in haystacks and found the wondrous treasure of spiritually prepared sons and daughters of the Father.

But all the investigators and miracles would fill more libraries than
I can count, and certainly more time than you have! So I'll content
myself with a thought.

We have a PROPHET.

He is not a book or a page or an idea or a wish. There is a man living
in the shadow of the Rocky Mountains who is a prophet of God as much
as Isaiah or Daniel or any other. He speaks with GOD. He leads the
Kingdom on the Earth. And he is building temples. Dozens. Scores.
HUNDREDS of temples across every nation and continent on this planet
populated by millions and millions of members. Temples of God where we
worship, where we perform ordinances for the dead. Where we receive
blessings the rest of the human family cannot even imagine.

Today I thought of this as if for the first time. I was driving to
Jacksonville with my new iPad in tow, a cellphone in one pocket and my
church debit card in the other. I reek of technology and privilege.
And then a song came on the stereo about a convert to the church
hearing, I. The dark streets of Dublin, that somewhere, somehow, the
heavens had been opened again, new scripture had been found, temples
were being built, and the kingdom was being established by a man they
called the Prophet.

Can you IMAGINE???

I can. It isn't hearing it, but the first time you BELIEVE it, the
first time you think those thoughts and accept them... Oh my goodness.
A Prophet. An end to doubt and fear and confusion and darkness. A
kingdom. An end to emperor, to war, to tyrants, to walls. And
temples... Hundreds of temples...

This is the message. This is the work. There is no other. Everything
we do either adds to or takes from this glorious building on the
kingdom. Everything that adds is a prayer, a holy sacrifice, a marvel
and a wonder. Whether it's a family outing or soccer practice or a
humble meal of beans and rice that you snatch between teaching
appointments in the glorious Gainesville 3C area. Anything that
detracts is just... empty. And sad.

Well it is time to go. I love you all. We have a prophet. We have a
temple. The heavens are open. Scripture pours forth. What a wonderful
world.

Don't tell anyone, but I hope the USA gets more medals than Russia.
Olympic Gold!!!!!

Okay but really it's time to go.

-Elder Jorgensen

Letters Home

To Grandad:

Another week come and gone. Goodness they fly by. I am glad you are
doing well in your work. I actually just finished the Isaiah chapters
in the Book of Mormon this week!!!! For me, Isaiah is the prophet of
hope. The message I receive is that the good in the world will be
rewarded deeply and absolutely. Gathered like sheep, loved even when
flawed, cared for, remembered, protected, known. Isaiah speaks often
in the first-person of the Savior. Jesus knows us! He thinks of us! He
cares for us. We are important to him and he loves it when we do good!
There are promises rich in beauty awaiting even the most humble of His
followers. The gorgeous poetry and chiasmus accentuate the piercing
power of the promises for the righteous, and the whole effect is
highlighted by the contrast of the consideration of the fate of the
evil of this world. Isaiah tells us wickedness is not happiness, sin
is not success. That which is evil will be eradicated, obliterated,
annihilated. There will be not a drop remaining when our battle is
done, when our battle is won.

That's what Isaiah meant to me, this time around at least. Hope. Hope
that he righteous will have more than they can imagine, and will be
free from the burden of darkness. Free at last. There is much on
charity and faith throughout the standard works, but no one does Hope
like Isaiah.

I love you. Mom told me you made an incredibly generous donation to my
mission fund. I was a left a little breathless by the sum. Thank you
so much for that. I hope to be the sort of man you are. I hope the
kindness and generosity will prove to be hereditary. You are such an
example to me. 

I love you.

To Kent: 

Every week we see miracles like those. Every week!!!!! I can't even

keep track of them. The field is white, already to harvest. If I wrote
them all, I wouldn't have time to go out and be used by Lord to effect
more!  It is awe-inspiring. I love being in your heart. It makes it so
much easier to be so far away when I know that you and the family are
having so much fun, and remembering me as you do.

Dad there is a PROPHET!!! He's building temples to God and
communicating with Him on a daily basis!!!!!!! After millennia of
isolation and silence the work of God has penetrated every continent,
visited every clime, swept every nation, and is sounding in every
year. The Kingdom of God is built, expands, and is anchored by
MILLIONS. We are sons of GOD! He knows our names. We're going to see
Him. There is a prophet, and a temple, and new scripture, and Holy
Priesthood.

How could we be so lucky? I love you. Sigh. Very much. I will see you
so soon!!! Never quite soon enough though. What's your favorite way to
eat rice? I eat it a lot.

******

YES! "Forget yourself" was the best advice I could have gotten! Because how can you love others if you are so filled with yourself? How can you appreciate their performance if you are hogging the leading roles of your own mind?? Turn out your blinding lights if you wish to watch their stars shine bright! Thank you. You are so fantastic with people. Elder Tuft and I are extremely strong together. He even played Take Two with me this week! Hehehe, made me miss you.

I love you.

To Mom:

I just decided to love him. It may have been charity, it may have been Stockholm syndrome. But once I found out how he felt, and that a change was necessary, I prayed. Prayed and prayed for help and love. To love everything, every facet of the diamond. If the savior can love me that way then everyone deserves it!!!! Certainly I am least.

It worked pretty well. One day later he began to confide in me, and had me give a training in District Meeting. A day after that he teared up during a soul-baring conversation. It kind of skyrocketed from there. By the end of the week he was telling me he loved me, teaching me everything he could about being in a leadership position because he was recommending I be put in one. He called the mission President and told him I don't need training and should be given special permission to become a Facebook missionary. The request was granted, by the way, so I will be deactivating my old Facebook sometime this week. Please post a status letting people know that it will be inactive until I return from my mission. Anyway, Elder Tuft and I are now very, very close.

Sigh. And yesterday I found out I am being transferred out of the area. Wednesday the 19th. Can I give you a little timeline?

End of June, 2013- Submit Mission papers

Six weeks later, arrive in Valley Center

Six weeks later, arrive in Temecula

Six weeks later, return home

Six weeks later, arrive in Provo

Three weeks later, arrive in Gainesville

Six weeks later, arrive in ?

A year of transitions. I'm pretty tired Mama. I'm not great at transitions. But let's compare and contrast.

I was broken. I slept 18 hours a day. I kept a chart of times I left the house in a day and gave myself prizes if the weekly average got to 1.  I got lost walking to class and laid down in a field and could not remember my name. I was told I could not serve a mission, get married, or even work, and the psychiatrist I'd been working with for nearly a year offered to help me get out on Social Security. Between the medications and supplements, at one point I was swallowing more than two dozen pills a day. I was so bad at interacting with people I slept all day to avoid even mealtime conversation. I played video games constantly because it was the only place in the whole world where I could accomplish even the most trivial task, and the feeling of accomplishment I would get from the completion of some minor challenge in Plants vs. Zombies was the relief I could find from the absolute cessation of forward movement that is e definition of damnation. Church attendance was often limited to listening to the prelude music and then returning home to collapse into bed or watch a tv show to stave off the terrible feeling that I had done nothing ever. The physical pain was constant and consistently debilitating. Even a year ago, the Family History Center was so stressful I had to prepare and brace myself for days prior, and on a vacation to San Francisco I needed a full day of rest and recuperation between such strenuous events as attending a basketball game, or going to an art museum. A week before I left for Provo, watching two movies in the movie theatre had me so emotionally and socially exhausted I thought I was going to fall asleep driving home.

And NOW. Mama now... I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I travel continents declaring His word. Food and sleep and rest are a pleasant garnish, to be discarded as needed to accomplish a glorious work. Every morning I study without interruption for hours. Jesus the Christ became my light reading. Church and the meetings that accompany it last nearly seven hours a week, and it is the most relaxed part of my most relaxed day of the week. Bikes, cars, freezing temperatures, driving rain, baking humidity, service at carnivals or aggressive dogs or spiritual discussions or mighty prayers run together in one constant scene of enabling grace. I sleep and eat at exactly scheduled times. I exercise daily. My physical needs are 100% taken care of and my soul is filled. At the drop of a hat I can develop relationships deep enough to teach, in harmony, the gospel of Jesus Christ to the nations at the drop of a hat with other missionaries as different from each other as they are from me. I work 16 hour days, 7 days a week.

I am a disciple of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. I have been called of Him to declare His word among His people, that they might have everlasting life.

LIFE Mama. Life is the message we share and the promise that I have seen realized in my own existence. I don't know how long the strength will last. Perhaps forever! Perhaps not. Without it, leaving my room once a day is an exciting achievement! With it, there is glory. I glory in plainness. I glory in truth. I glory in my Jesus, for he hath redeemed my soul from hell.

I have hated remembering the past for so long, but now, cleansed by the Atonement, it only makes my present sweeter. I have abhorred thoughts of the future for the fear they bring. Now, enabled by my Jesus, there is only adventure.

And you are so right: Christlike attributes are a GIFT (Preach My Gospel page 115 last paragraph)! We work so hard to earn them, but really all we are doing is showing our appreciation for them. There's no way to get them on our own. They are given, my life is given, and after the burden of an existence, I am so intensely grateful.

I am pretty tired mama, and I'm in some pretty pain. Sometimes I cannot see well enough to read signs. Sometimes I cannot move my hands well enough to write down names. Sometimes I cannot sit up straight. Sometimes I fall. But I never stop smiling. Never. I smile at people, at doors, at letters, at dogs, at inanimate objects and angry faces. I can't stop. I won't stop.

So yes, I love it here! And only get to stay a few more days. I have an iPad now and at is pretty freaking fun. Thank you so much for the money. I probably will not spend it in the next two years. I will just carry it around as a constant reminder of your love and constant support of me in so many ways I could never ever deserve. You are too generous. You are too kind. I love you.

Elder Jorgensen

Letter #2

I love it when you send me people's responses. As far as I know, no one reads these things, so it feels good to know they're doing good for people.

*****

Nope Mama, even when I was home and I'd get frustrated with you or hurt I would smile to myself knowing that those things were about as much of an obstacle to our relationship as the wall of a sandcastle is to an ocean. Maybe it gets thrown up in a moment of childish indulgence, but give it a second or two and see what lasts. I try to avoid unrealistic expectations. Post-mission me may be a lot like current-mission me, which is probably pretty much identical to pre-mission me. Just expanded capacity. But one thing that is different is my appreciation for things, especially my immediate family. Wow. Y'all are solid.

Hehehe. I love you. I didn't get any mail this week, and I'm being transferred so I wouldn't send anything this week or it mig not get here in time (P-Day is Tuesday because of transfers next week so don't panic when I don't write on Monday. I'm fine. You know, probably.) But I'm excited to laugh about this mysterious package! I still use the frankincense every day, by the way. It makes me think of you and smile.

You work so hard!!!!!! Goodness!!!!!! Hey I am gluten free too! Beans and rice, oats and almond milk, frozen vegetables and chicken breasts. Whatever fruit I can afford. Those are my meals! Jealous much?

Oh Elder Tuft gave me a haircut! Between the shaved face and short hair, investigators think I'm in High School. Hehehee, can't decide how I feel about that.

Cassidy broke her wrist walking through the front door. That makes me so sad and laugh so hard at the same time. I cannot believe it is Valentine's Day!!!!!!! Hey you want to know something crazy? On Wednesday, it will have been 6 months since I was set apart as a missionary. Six months. Wow.

Um that attic sounds AMAZING. It is going to be ten million degrees in the summer. That trapdoor/tunnel is the stuff of fairy tales. I get excited even thinking about it. Make sure it's big enough for me to use!!!!!! So COOL!

Elder Tuft and I were talking about. FHE. He asked me what it was like in my family. I basically bore testimony of you and your dedication to FHE and family meetings. He was amazed afterwards he sat there for a second, contemplating, and said, "I can't even imagine what that would have done for my family..." I could see the longing, the hunger, in his eyes for what you and Daddy gave and are giving to me and the girls in those marathon meetings. It was so humbling. Keep at it!!!! Don't let those darn naysayers convince you to make FHE only an hour!! (: It sounds wonderful.

Your family missionary stories are my favorite. It is so cool to know you are being blessed with those opportunities and have the faithfulness to take advantage of them. The scriptures are RIFE with promised blessings for missionaries. Knowing our family will get those blessings helps me to trust the Lord to take care of the people I love most during this brief (but probably longest of our mortal lives. You're not escaping me without Christmas visits and vacations to Grandma's house EVER. Muhaha.) physical separation.

Goodness I have a testimony of blessings. I stopped keeping track of how many times I have had the opportunity to be the Voice of God in a blessing. Twice just one day last week and the next day I was EXHAUSTED. At the end of the day I just collapsed on the floor and went to sleep fully clothed. It was the best kind of spiritual exhaustion I have ever felt.

It makes an enormous difference to know that you appreciate all that this mission is to me. I LOVED your chiasmus! So impressive!!! I try to be kind to my body. It causes me such pain mama. Blinding, excruciating, invasive. Sigh. But love your enemy, right??

Hehehehe I had a thought similar to that in the MTC when it surfaced that I was the only one in the zone that did not have a "significant other" writing them. No one called me, "my missionary" and the thought made me kind of sad. Then I realized, someone does call me "my missionary". Someone thinks of me that way, someone communicates and uses me that way. I am so grateful that He does. I love Him so, so much. What a glorious Valentines Day we will have.

Love you.

WEEK 25: I Must Have Done Something Good

GAINESVILLE, FL

COMPANION/TRAINER:  ELDER TUFT

Nothing comes from nothing, nothing ever could. So somewhere in my youth, or childhood, I must have done something good.

I must have! Because this week was a week of MIRACLES! Where to even start?????

Well, first of all, miracles are often preceded by adventures. This week we were on bikes, it was pretty chilly, and it POURED rain. POURED. So we're out knocking doors in the dark during exchanges (we had three this week. They last for 24 hours and I go to a different area or a different missionary than my companion comes and works my area with me) for several hours and no one quite lets us in and I am WET. Wet. But I had a BLAST and a couple of people set return appointments! One of the promising ones was James, and I could not wait to go back and teach him the next night.

Fast forward. My companion and I take a member of the stake presidency out with us and show up on Jame's doorstep. There is a woman with him. They excitedly let us in, sit us down, and the miracle begins. Chrissy (the woman) is a member! She was baptized decades ago and misses the church desperately. She helps us teach James the first lesson and they are excited to learn more. She has a peculiar last name, which is the same as another woman that we have a return appointment with (Carrie). Well it turns out Chrissy and Carrie are COUSINS, and because of this Carrie (who had just cancelled her appointment) agrees to meet with us altogether. And what is going to happen in this meeting, you ask? James and Chrissy will be teaching Carrie the first lesson, and it all goes down tonight. All because we knocked a door in the rain.

But wait, there's more! My companion found another family with a similar situation and we are now teaching them as well! They are engaged, she is a less-active member, and he is anxious to progress. And how was this family found? Records or lists or referrals? Nope. Knocking doors. He was led there 100%.

But wait, there's more. Saturday was ROUGH. All our appointments fell through. So we just started knocking. No real interest. So we got our bikes, put on our helmets, and started pedaling off. We stopped as we were passing by a door. "Did we knock this one?" "Nope." "Think we should?" "Why not?" The door was thrown open by a happy young couple who invited us in, talked to us for 40 minutes, accepted a return appointment, and are excited to be taught in the home of their neighbors who are members.

Surely that is all. NOPE! On exchanges my companion for the day and I were standing at the bottom of a staircase pondering our next move. A woman came up behind us. She asked us who we were, why we were there, invited us in, offered us water, asked what our message was, asked for a pamphlet, asked for a Book of Mormon, asked when church was, asked whether she could come, asked if she could talk to the bishop about performing her upcoming wedding ceremony, invited us back, asked if she could cook us breakfast and hear more of the message. We couldn't keep up enough to even OFFER anything it was like she was starving and we were holding the only bread in town! Which is exactly what was happening. People are starving, for there is only one bread that satisfies.

So that's got to be it. SATURDAY NIGHT. We are exhausted. We are slumped over on a cold bench. And we only have a couple of moments before we need to return to the apartment and very few people are coming to church in the morning. So I whip out the phone and Elder Tuft whips out the iPad. I teach a lesson via texting to an investigator who texts us out of the blue for the first time in weeks, and Elder Tuft adds a contact as a friend. She asks about Church, so he teaches her a lesson on facebook chat and invites her to the meeting. Not only does she come with her son but she bring her three siblings as well! All sitting on the front row and staying for Sunday school to boot!

Sunday night. End of the week. It has been a PARTY. What a week. We have a less-active member to visit. No one has ever had success with this sister, including us in weeks past. We knock on the door. Her husband won't even look at us, he just walks into the back of the house. She lets us know she is NOT interested in being mormon anymore and is trying to have her records removed. We talk to her. After a while she invites us in. We keep talking, friendly, smiling, glossing over her occasional barbs and testifying of the beautify and light of her love of the bible. She offers us a seat. Then a drink. Then some food. Then invites her family to come join the conversation. Then insists they come in. First her daughter walks by. Then joins the conversation. Then gets her guitar and plays us a song. Then the husband walks by and makes a comment. Then tells a story. Then sits down. Then they go get their "dog". More than 50% wold, as big as I am just about, hates people but LOVES us. Loves. By the end of the visit we have been invited back for dinner, they have shared their entire life story including their hopes and dreams for the future and reason she left the church (terrible experience). We have the opportunity to testify to her several times, and she says she sees things differently than she ever has. She makes a list of things she loves about the church (family home evening, food storage, eternal marriage, the word of wisdom, youth activities, etc.), and, with a big smile on her face, says that her daughter seems to be as interested in the gospel as she once was. Even after a prayer her husband can't stop talking to us, and she has to tell him to let us go! This in the course of one evening, in one visit.

Miracles. These are miracles. These were not born of fantastic, brilliant missionaries or work. They did not come from new or exciting idea or earth-shaking testimonies. Love, diligence, faith, and then some more love were the only ingredients that the Lord saw fit to use to make a week. of. miracles.

And I am so grateful.

There were lots of fun adventures. On a whim I sang a long in the middle of a lesson to a professional musician and he embraced the idea of putting the Psalm of Nephi to music. I finished my reading of Jesus the Christ, and understand so much more deeply the text of that fantastic hymn that urges "O come, let us adore him". I adore Him so. And adoring Him and adoring His flock, I am empowered. After a difficult sunday of pretty intense pain, I was about ready to tip over. One of our investigators was ready to leave church. My mind, clouded and blinded, could think of nothing but to invite him to stay. I followed him out of the chapel, into the hall, into the foyer, and to the door, inviting and inviting and praising the blessings of sunday school and priesthood meetings. I must have invited him to stay 20 times, met by absolute silence, before finally he sighed and said, "Okay Elder. Okay." He stayed for all three hours and met with the bishop afterwards and we are meeting with him again this Wednesday. Sometimes when we can't make it through, the only way to outlast the day is invite others to do what we can't and then go through it with them!

My fast was for discipline, not fanaticism. That I, my family, my friends (I rather like the Book of Mormon phrase "beloved brethren") and the people we meet will have the willpower to do what we believe! To act on the testimony that burns within us. I believe in Jesus Christ. That He is and that I love Him is enough to power my engine to do all KINDS of things, day by day, one at a time. Not fanatically all at once, just line upon line, as fast as I have strength. The members are amazing, the relationships I have are such a strength, and every email and note from home fills me with such peace. Thank you. I love you so much. I hope your week is one of MIRACLES! Mine was. Mine are.

~Elder Jorgensen