GAINESVILLE, FL
COMPANION/2nd TRAINER: ELDER TUFT
COMPANION/2nd TRAINER: ELDER TUFT
If, as Elder Holland once heard, "the thing God enjoys most about being God is the thrill of being merciful, especially to those who don’texpect it and often feel they don’t deserve it", then surely His relationship with me, who am so constantly in need of that mercy and so woefully inadequate even to receive it in the method which it deserves, is of the brightest parts of His days. That is a nice feeling.
My mission is a dream come true. I have come "boldly to the throne of grace", and have found mercy there. These mercies have manifested in a myriad of ways. One in particular came a few nights ago in the COLD. Wow it was cold. On the upside, it got the soundtrack from "Frozen" playing in my head. On the downside, my brain froze shortly thereafter. It actually was so cold I opened my mouth to speak, found that my jaw was entirely numb, and couldn't get the words out intelligably! Hehehee, goodness. So we were knocking doors, and it was brisk. We walked from light to light, ignoring the doors in between. But then suddenly my companion, in an unprecedented move, backpedaled and knocked on an unlit door. By way of explanation he said, "I don't know. I just feel good about it." The door opened, it was a member's home, and we were able to go in and share a lesson with them while we unthawed.
A little mercy, but a tender mercy. I think they are all that way.
A little mercy, but a tender mercy. I think they are all that way.
Random thought: We have a tag on the back of our car. As we drive up to our front gate, a scanner reads the tag, and the gate opens (yes we live in a gated community. It's basically the Upper-East Side over here). So every day we get to drive straight at this very solid gate and it just magically opens up without any effort of ours. I feel very much like Harry Potter rushing at platform 9 3/4. But I also feel like a missionary. Rushing forward towards closed gates and closed hearts and long, long years ahead. But I carry a tag on my chest, and my Lord reads it, and opens my way. No real effort of mine opens the gate. My only effort is in showing up, every day. And that's a lot sometimes.
Oh one more fun story. This week my companion was too sick to work. Well okay this story does not sound fun but it is I promise. So he's pretty much dying and I get to study!!! I get to study and study and study for DAYS. Wow. Studying is pretty much my dream right? Sitting in a climate controlled mansion reading whatever I want to, eating whenever I want to, in the solitude I crave as my companion fights his dire illness (he looked like death, poor Elder), slowly a distress grew inside of me. I could not for the LIFE of me put my finger on it. Everything I love and longed for was being afforded to me!! What was I upset about? What was I craving?? Finally that night we took a walk to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription. On the way I contacted some people and shared the gospel and I was FILLED! It was such a RUSH!!
So I have come to a conclusion: I have a missionary addiction, and it is BAD. I need my fix every single day, and if I don't I go through MAJOR withdrawls. No substitute will do, no cheap generic will suffice. I am a missionary addict, and I pray I will always be.
So I have come to a conclusion: I have a missionary addiction, and it is BAD. I need my fix every single day, and if I don't I go through MAJOR withdrawls. No substitute will do, no cheap generic will suffice. I am a missionary addict, and I pray I will always be.
I had a thought recently that may be odd. With so many oddities bouncing around it is hard to know where exactly they fall on a spectrum. But the thought was this: that Jesus loves us, and the adversary hates us. Often we impersonalize (which spell-check insists is not a word, but which I am going to move forward with anyway) these two beings, but I believe that this is a mistake. We are developing relationships with them, we are often choosing between them. One loves us so deeply He has devoted, and once even staked, His eternal progression to us. One hates us so deeply, so completely, he has devoted, and once even lost, his eternal progression to destroying us. An understanding of the personal nature of this hatred that the adversary has for me has often been useful. It helps me to understand why I feel what I feel when I allow him to creep into my heart and thoughts, sowing seeds of discouragement and pride and irritability and fear. He hates me, it's that simple. But my savior loves me. Oh how he loves me. So completely, so wonderfully, so deeply. With the choice presented to me in this way, it is easier to choose to whom I wish to dedicate my time, my relationship, and my efforts, and perhaps it will help you.
So this is me this week. Another bite from the bread of life. I love you all very much. I need your prayers quite desperately. Please send them my way. We are finding, we are teaching, soon we will be baptizing. I wish the same for missionaries everywhere, and much the same for you.
~Elder Jorgensen
~Elder Jorgensen
Letters Home
Hi Dad!
Thank you! I am glad my room is nice and empty of my things. Your mention on Elder Holland's comments mirrors my thoughts exactly. I certainly feel stretched. It is a bit concerning actually. This week was kind of hard. Well it was really hard. Well it was the hardest of my 17 weeks as a missionary so far. Well it may have been one of the hardest of my life so far. Well it was probably the hardest. There is more to deal with, physically and emotionally, than ever before, and I am not coping well. Failure seemed imminent, indeed immediate, and inevitable.
This week, right in the middle, I was in the mission home in Jacksonville. We were there for an iPad training, and I was just loitoring in the kitchen, a little "black in the eyes" as my companion said later. I was aimlessly glancing around the filled room, when something on the counter caught my attention. No reason it should have, just a piece of paper in a house filled with paper. But I walked over, leaned forward, and began reading it.
It was your letter to the mission president, dated January 9th. It expressed a love, a respect, a kindness, and a tenderness that is still warming my heart as intensely today as it was in that moment.
Thank you. Thank you so much. Keep praying for me please. And thank you. Thank you for writing those things, thank you for thinking and feeling those things. I love you.
A parting thought. I am re-reading my journal, looking for strength. I am very worried about the future, and this line jumped out at me from an entry in October. "When your dream is your peace, your soul doth increase, and with sure release, all sorrow must cease."
My dream is to be with you and mom and the girls, forever. It brings me peace. Thank you for showing me how to be a teacher, a leader, a father, a husband, and a friend. I love you.
*****
You know there IS a bit more routine now. Not as much as I would like, my companion is not a methodical person, but I am settling in much more quickly than I thought I would, although not nearly as fast as I would like. I LOVE my Take 2 tiles!!!!! They are so much fun.
Christ healing the blind are my favorite miracles in the New Testament. It seems that they are done with much more variety and tenderness than the others, and they just call out to me. Thank you for sharing, I always so enjoy your thoughts. They bring a peace to me.
To Courtney (age 8):
I am glad you liked the letters! I like YOUR letters!!!!!!!!!! This one made me so happy I didn't stop smiling for hours. (: Heheheee I miss you too darling. If I wrote down how much, it would take your whole lifetime to read it!
Oh my goodness I never sang you a birthday song!!Happy Birthday to you